It started a few years ago when all my friends were graduating, getting their first jobs, or starting a Master Degrees. And where was i??
Well 4 years into something i should have finished in 3 i still had half of my subjects to finish, it ended up taking 3 more years ( 7 total) to do so.
I started to taking side toutoring classes for some subjects and which made me feel guilty because those services are not cheap and i was putting even more wight on my parent’s shoulders.
With all this i felt so ashamed i didn’t want to show my face around, i started withdrawing from family and from friends, i stoped going out with them, althought i still had my student room rented in the capital (where all my real frends were), i spent most of the time in my hometown where i was taking the toutoring classes.
For 2 years appart from a wedding invitation i declined all and avery social event, nights out, dinner party……
I cut off almost everybody from my life( even some family) , looking back now i see how big of a mistake that was, so if you’re reading this and you’re depressed/suicidal don’t make the same mistake, seek out somebody at least one person, whom you fell you can talk to, if you know somebody depressed/suicidal and you’re wondering how to help them don’t leave them alone even if they try to push you away make clear they can always come to you
3 comments
Thank you.
Don’t give up by the way, there’s always a solution, its just live solving a murder, nobody can commit the perfect murder so there must be some way to solve it, right?
I know those feelings a little bit, even if I’m just one year overtime. One of my best friends is getting his master’s degree this year, while others had it even harder than me, so I didn’t cut ties with all, but still with most of my friends. I avoid all those reunions and what not, because of the shame and I don’t want to tell anyone what I’m studying because it implies I will once finish it, which I’m not that sure about. Not to speak about the fact that up until now I was unemployed – for several years, but I got a “promise” of job, which I still don’t have a contract for.
However this is not what worries me the most – my deepest fear is not having a stable ground under my feet. I don’t need a prospect of great future. I’ll be completely satisfied with an ok future. Just no pain, good health and a stable, middle class job, please. It’s all I need. No fancy cars or romantic relationships needed. No spectacular vacations. Just a warm place I can call my home and a job that won’t suck my soul the way my school does. I keep telling myself things will get better once the school is over and I have a full time contract. It’s ridiculous but I actually felt happier when I was working shifts in a factory – I felt like I’m doing something productive with my life.
Anyway, in here we all have each another, nobody will be left alone 🙂
You can get your friends back. Try calling them. You have nothing to lose. When looking for work you have to remain Very Positive. This is Very hard to do, but you have to do it!!
Best of luck!