Ugly, obese, lazy, lonely, and retarded

I shouldn’t tell myself this but life reminds me of what i am. Idk why i post here still. Maybe because i don’t have a sure method to die. I wish i wasnt born and im old and meaningless and i keep getting reminded of how horrid my life has been my life is and will be. Im too incompetent to continually do anything about it. I hate being a fuckup. I hope i have a heart attack soon. I’ve been rejected abandoned neglected. I have no support system or meaningful relationships i do want to die. I am immobile, agoraphobic, perpetually suicidal. No one knows or understands the world ive lived in for decades. I can’t breathe here. Im too depressed to have incentive for living. I want to die now. I want to set myself on fire.