I’m sick of feeling this way. I’m drained. I’m physically drained. Tired. I’m sick of being trapped. I’m sick of being stuck like this.
I have been wanting to die more than anything in the past few days. I know I can’t. I know I shouldn’t. But I want to. I want to so bad. I want to die. I really, really want to die. I’ve never wanted to die so much in my life.
My head is heavy. Even my body is a huge weight. I still can’t get out of bed.
I’ve been cutting like crazy. I’m running out of room on my left thigh. I don’t ever want to touch the right one. But, if things keep going this way, I will.
That’s my day. Stay in bed, smoke and slash at my thigh. Sorry Shephard. Know you begged me not to, but I just couldn’t resist. My blades were calling my name.
Maybe it will get better when I go back to school. I’ll have something else to focus on, other than the things I keep seeing in my head. The images in my head are becoming unbearable now. Wish they’d just shut off. I don’t even want to think at all now. Please, just give me a break.
Today, I’m wearing really tight jeans to fight the urge to cut. They are really tight. Taking them off will be a chore on its own. Hope it helps.
Anyway, that’s just me and my ever increasing need to die. Hope you guys are doing much better than I am.
2 comments
i know how it is wanting to die .. i have been thinking at this everyday since 6 years ago , and since then everyday was just .. let’s say empty , with no reason to live . Hope it will get better for you and maybe you will be able to find a purpose to live …
BL98… I do have a purpose to live for. That’s why I’m still alive. If not for these things, I’d be dead. I have Family. I’m working on my career. I’ll be starting my final year of Medical School in a few days. It’s just, to me, these things are keeping me trapped in this world. I want to die, but these things are keeping me from ending it.