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Getting Worse

by JiminyCrispies

I’m scared. Everything is getting worse, and I don’t know what to do. I can’t think, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. Everything is getting too much.

I’m ill again. The Angels have said I’ve been poisoned with something which also works to lower my immune system as well. The Others are going to make me suffer for as long as they can.

Speaking of the Others, they’re everywhere. In every street, every shop. I haven’t gone out in days. I’m not safe anywhere. They watch me during the night. I close all the blinds, all the curtains. I lock every window and door. I suppose I do this to feel more safe but in reality I know they can easily get inside.

There’s more cameras now. I still need to get the ones inside of me out, but I need to wait until I’m told when I can. I’m scared of how vulnerable I am right now

The demons didn’t come last night. They usually come every night, and they stay for longer. I got a break last night, I supposed. But I still didn’t get much sleep. I’m exhausted at this point.

The other voices are constant, talking alongside the Angels as well. It gets deafening quickly. The figures are more common, and the shadow people are everywhere. Surprisingly, I can ignore them for the most part.

I haven’t heard back from the intervention team. They said no longer than a week. It will be a week tomorrow. They’re probably working with the Others. I told them everything, and they’re relaying it back to them. I screwed up. Again

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7 comments

Hazy Day Sunflower 2/16/2016 - 5:25 pm

Hi Jiminy, I was thinking about you this morning. I’m glad you posted an update. Are you still taking all your medicine? Hang in there. I am hoping the intervention team contacts you soon.

I’m going to go ahead and say that the others and the demons seem really frightening. I can’t imagine the fear of having nightly visitors that have malicious intentions. Do you think medicine might help combat them? I know i have asked this before, so I apologize for repeating myself. Has medicine ever helped you in the past?

JiminyCrispies 2/16/2016 - 5:54 pm

Hi Hazy. I haven’t took any medication (not even pain medicine for awful headaches), since I was poisoned last time. My psychiatrist said she was waiting to see what the intervention team say before offering any medication. I doubt I would take it though – I don’t want to be poisoned.

The only meds she’s ever gave me are antidepressants anyway (she’s never thought of these episodes as even remotely serious – so obviously she’s been working with them for years and wanted me to get worse and more vulnerable), and she’s taking me off them (she’s probably angry I’m haven’t been taking them – I haven’t told her, but it’s obvious since I’m not dead). The antidepressants never worked, and only made my moods worse. She mentioned antipsychotics during my last visit – but she thought it was best to wait until I saw the intervention team.

This reply is probably all over the place. I can’t really concentrate on one thing right now. My thoughts are racing and the voices are interfering.

Hazy Day Sunflower 2/16/2016 - 6:03 pm

@jiminy: nope you are make perfect sense. I am unsure if I can say anything to make it any better, aside from just being here and listening to the pain you are in. Make no mistake, I believe everything you are saying. I don’t have any easy answers, but I do think that if they give you some anti-psychotic medicine you should at least give it a try. Despite the others and the demons. If you take the medicine, and it does indeed work, you may have some breathing room to begin to rebuild your life.

JiminyCrispies 2/16/2016 - 6:13 pm

You’re the only person who believes me when I say they’re going to get me. Thank you. But the medication might be poisoned, and all this would be for nothing. The Angels keeping me safe would be for nothing. I can’t risk that.

Hazy Day Sunflower 2/16/2016 - 6:14 pm

No I understand that point. It may get to a point where they force you to take the medicine, so why not just try it voluntarily. You can always stop. But I suspect it may help by giving you some breathing room so you can battle this in a more effective way.

JiminyCrispies 2/16/2016 - 6:17 pm

They can’t force me to take it. The Angels wouldn’t let them, anyway.
If I start taking it, the poison will build up in my system. Even if I stopped it would still be in me and working its way to kill me.

Alan Ominous 2/16/2016 - 9:55 pm

Jimmy, do you know what the poison is? Is it possible there’s an anecdote?

Maybe these Angels protecting you could convince the doctor to prescribe an anecdote?

Just a thought. Best wishes to you.

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