Some of the things I will speak about in this, have already been stated in my previous post, not too long ago. So let’s begin.
As a child I was constantly beat up by my step father, this only stopped when my mother kicked him out of the house. I would constantly be beaten up and bullied at school, during the same periods of time. I went on to secondary school, the first 4 days were fine, but after that I started getting bullied again. At around age 13, I lost it in a fit of rage and beat the “Leader” of the group of bullies down, and they left me alone after that. But I still had no friends, which didn’t help my circumstances.
At the age of 14 I became depressed. At 15 it entered the category of ‘Severe depression’. I planned my suicide for just over 4+ years, out of a total period of 6 years of being depressed, but I never had the stones to do it. Now, at the age of 20, I’m still severely depressed, and still friendless and lonely. I met a girl online, but it seems to be nothing but the usual “Fling”.
So last night I planned my suicide, and I planned to go out as peacefully as possible. I will wait until later tonight, when the stars are out, and the sounds of civilisation come to a near dead stop, I will end my life…I just hope I can do it, this time.
16 comments
we are here with you.. if you need to talk i am here
I really appreciate that 🙂 I think the hardest part is not having anyone to talk to. Keeping it all bottled up.
Thanks man 🙂
im here.. i can understand… i went from lonely and sad to finding my best mate and it happened here…she is a candy flosser really.. anyway.. im here for anything u need. i will listen
Only 20. Reminds me of a cartoon drawing I saw. Guy with a pick-ax digging a tunnel underground. He decides to quit digging cause he was tired and had enough. He turns and walks away. But looking at the drawing all he had to do was take one or two more swings of the ax and he’d be through to the other side. Course, he didn’t know that. I guess that’s what keeps us hanging on. ‘Maybe the next swing? Maybe the next step? Kinda like someone with a gambling addiction. Next roll of the dice and I’ll win it all. Ya never know.
Yeah I saw that picture. I believe he was digging for diamonds? Any ways, I’ve been thinking all day. I just don’t know what to do any more, It does get tiring putting all your effort into everything, and getting absolutely nothing in return.
I am 24. You know… 2 years ago when I was 22 I considered suicide too. My life was very dull and I felt very empty inside. I had no energy to do anything. I wanted to die. It was pointless to live…
I was beaten by my father too and even sent to a psych ward. I was also bullied in school and in highschool besides that I also suffered from social anxiety, which I still suffer from today. My life was very hard.
But now, my life has improved. It is different. I am full of hope and I look forward to the future.
I feel greatful that I didn’t put an end to my life.
You are simply still too young. You should wait at least one year until you decide to end it all.
Perhaps, but each day I continue, it becomes harder to endure. I’ve managed to survive it this long, and as much as I want to carry on, just to find out what the future holds; I still find it very scary, and potentially find myself in even worse circumstances.
Perhaps I will carry on a little longer, just in case I end it right before my life was to become better.
Do you go to university? This would be very helpful. I was bullied in school but almost never in university. There are different people over there. I still suffer from social anxiety but nobody has noticed except one of my teachers and I am quite respected. I even talk to other people quite often.
When I feel empty and depressed I enjoy smoking.
No, but I did go to college. I start again in September actually. I’ll be doing game design, I enjoy games and I like technology. Perhaps this will help take my mind off all the negative shit, and help me focus on the future.
And yeah, I used to enjoy smoking weed when I was down. I actually started because of depression, but now it just amplifies it, and so does anti-depressant medication.
We are here if you want to talk about things talking helps everyone here is kind of in the same boat
I’m glad 🙂 I never realized how much help I actually help, when I need it 🙂 I think I’ll take a couple of days to try and clear my mind.
I read your post. I’ll be around later today to see how you are doing. Give yourself a few days breathing time to talk. Death isn’t going anywhere you can always kill yourself next Friday if it doesn’t help.
That’s how I see it now if things don’t work out there is always tomorrow even no I think about it daily
I’m feeling a little better, and that’s also how I think of it. There’s always next week. Half the battle is not knowing that there is anyone out there who even remotely cares.
I’m glad I’ve found this website, it’s so helpful! Thanks everyone, I will update this post in 2 days, on what happened, how I’m feeling, ETC.
FTR I really care. I mean really. No one should sit at home contemplating the merits of sticking a gun in their mouth. (oh wait that’s me)
Sometime’s it just gets really fucking hard though, and I feel as it I can’t breath most of the time.