It’s weekend, saturday night. It’s 10:54 pm and I’m in my room, in my bed. It’s dark and I have too many thoughts about everything. I think about where I’m in ten years, here? on this planet? alive?
I think back to the situation, when I was at school, my teacher told something about short storys. I thought about situations in my life, when I needed this informations. But i couldn’t find some.
I sit there, every day and waste my time for some stupid things like this. When I will kill myself, why should I go to school anymore? But I’m not sure if i will kill myself. Everybody in my age have to go to school here, so I can’t say something like “Mum, I don’t go to school anymore. I want to die and I don’t want to waste my last time at school”
I don’t know.. Nothing makes sense. Life doesn’t make sense. I just waste my time and hope for the end of the day. But the next day, is the same like the last. Every day is the same. I hope, it’s weekend and holiday soon. I hope the year and my life is over soon.
I just live because I have to do it. Nobody asked me.
But I have to do it..
.. and I don’t want it.
6 comments
The battle of depression and school is huge. Does your family know how strong you feel about this? They may be able to assist you.
Everything’s really confusing right now right but school isnt permanent, do you have interests outside of school?
Yes, they know it. But just a little bit. My mom is so sad about me. I don’t want to talk with her anymore. I wrote a bit about my life in my first post here. I have no friends, so I’m just at home, in my bed and so nothing. School and bed, not more, every day.
Na man I finish school years about that was just a bit of history Yh my family know are u fairly new on here ?
Sorry wrong post
Feeling alone has to be the worst feeling to experience, sometimes it’s nice to be able to share these feelings with like minded people, sometimes we don’t know what to say but we do share the same desire that brought us here.
I love what you wrote,
“I live because I have to.”
Its everything.
“I sleep because I have to. I eat because I have to. I live because I have to. I breathe because I have to. I smile because I have to. I talk because I have to. I work because I have to. I am alive because I have to.”
Its never,
“I sleep because I want to. I eat because I want to. I live because I want to. I breathe because I want to. I smile because I want to. I talk because I want to. I work because I want to. I am alive because I WANT to!”