Sometimes I just stare at my wrists when I get like this and wonder what it would be like to plunge a knife through my artery and veins. When the pain eats away at me and crying doesn’t even help. Crying used to help. I felt ashamed the other night when I just cried myself to sleep and woke up and realized that I didn’t take my dog out, that I left my kitchen a mess, that I slept in my clothes. I never do that. I have never cried myself to sleep either.
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Writing that really helped. At least I don’t feel like I need to cry anymore. I feel dull and empty, like after a bout of having the flu. I feel like I need to curl up in bed and go to sleep. And hope to god that tomorrow isn’t a repeat.
The worst part about crying though, is that I hope neighbors don’t hear me. I hear them do stuff. They must hear me sobbing I’m not really quiet about it.
Part of me wants them to hear.
Part of me is terrified at the idea.
Sorry to hear that I think about the wrist and arty thing a lot your not alone
For some reason I don’t cry at this point in my life. At least not a real cry. I think its because I am on psych meds and those meds are designed to take away negative feelings. I do however shed a little tear here and there when I am laying on my bed… but i never seem to bust out and cry. I kind of wish I could… because that might give me some relief but Oh well. I dont.
I guess crying is not something you can always turn on like a ight switch. It either comes or it doesn’t.
anyway I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing pain to such a degree where you think about self harm.
Me I have never wanted to cut or slash my wrists. I’m too logical of a person for that.
My logic tell me that if you do that you just bleed and then wind up in the hospital.. my logic tell me that it is not going to end it. so therefore its useless to do.
Me I am a > end it right or don’t try at all. LOL