Loosely-gathered thoughts on this exhausting day:
- I might not be able to post this, since the site has been wonky for me lately. Some days it doesn’t let me post. I emailed the admins about it but haven’t heard back.
- I am glad beaubri is still here.
- It’s 11:00 at night and I have not eaten anything all day long. I should probably have something.
- Has anyone heard from ToTrees lately? I know his MRI was Monday, and I haven’t heard from him since Sunday, I think.
- My own MRI is in about nine days, and I’m trying to distract myself by writing more music. I may post it here if you would like to hear it.
- I just realized AlanOminous is another person we haven’t heard from in a few days. It looks like his last post was March 18th.
- I am weak and exhausted and it is getting harder to think. On the way home from symphony rehearsal, I noticed that my double vision is noticeable even when I drive now. It’s the same whether the glasses are on or off. My mind “blanks out” sometimes. I’ll be thinking of something, and then it’s like complete empty blankness, like someone came up and erased the board. Scary. Sometimes I never do remember what I was trying to process. If this ISN’T due to the tumor in there, somebody somewhere has a lotta ‘splaining to do.
- I have no idea what else to say here; I just wanted eight things on my list.
44 comments
No Comment, I just wanted to say something..
Thanks for letting me know you’re ok.
The last thing we need is two of us in this state going crazy.
We might have to work out a schedule where we take turns.
Honestly, just honored you thought of me… I no joke , logged out of FB for like 3 months and nobody noticed. No messages… nothing..
Of course I thought of you.
I never know if that semi/truck driving down the road is you, after all.
I’m not clear on exactly what kind of vehicle you drive for work, so I just hedge my bets and get nervous about all large vehicles. 😀
Although I guess you don’t really visit my part of the state that much.
That’s why I’m ok with joking about it.
The next time I happen to be in Coldwater, looking at the traffic coming off I-69, I will certainly wonder.
Well, mines a big white Ryder rental. I’ll probably be swerving all over looking at my phone.
So….
The size of a semi?
Delivery-truck size?
U-haul size?
This?
https://reservations.ryder.com/~/media/reservation/images/vehicleimages/straighttruck/straight_truck_sam_50_60_90.ashx
Or…. This?
http://blogsdir.cms.rrcdn.com/10/files/2013/06/Greenkraft_at_Ryder_5.jpg
Or this?
http://media.merchantcircle.com/10899370/1%20Ryder-MetroVan_full.jpeg
Alan’s Lawyer: “Wait, I’m confused… who’s stalking who?”
Alan: “Shhhhh. She’ll hear you.”
Like this:
http://m.commercialtrucktrader.com/listing/2013-Freightliner-Cascadia–116806019
Big, then.
And white!
Definitely able to turn me into a highway splatter if you decide to put me out of my misery that way.
😮
Alan, I’m glad you’re okay.
@Cordless, I’d love to hear your music. I hope everything goes well.
You’ve heard my other music, right?
Can’t remember.
Here are the links to the others I’ve posted, just in case.
http://suicideproject.org/2016/02/lets-just-pretend-this-works/
http://suicideproject.org/2016/03/testing-the-waters-2/
http://suicideproject.org/2016/03/my-new-music/
Alan Ominous; this is the second of thrid time I’ve seen you. Glad to see you’re lurking at the least.
Yup, I’m sort of cordless ‘s creepy stalker.
What do you mean, “Sort Of”??
I mean my attorney advised me not to openly admit to anything
Haha that’s actually fun in an adorable way.
It is kinda fun, in a “I remember those good old days before the restraining order” sort of way.
😉
I had no idea you an totrees both had/have scheduled MRI’s I hope they go well. What is an MRI like? If I may ask.
You should really eat today, food is essential. I sometimes I don’t eat for days, or I just plain forget. Not sure if I have an eating disorder. I do eat a lot when I do eat. But never mind that. At least grab a snack, or heat up something quick like soup maybe.
Also get some rest. You really need it. You haven’t been sleeping much lately. And sleep deprivation alone can drive you mad.
Just get plenty of rest and eat as much as you are able to. Sounds like you’re going through a rough time. Are you stressed?
MRI stands for Magnetic Resonance Imaging.
They slowly push you into this giant tunnel-like machine which has extremely powerful magnets in it. Somehow it’s able to create images of what’s in you. It’s different from an x-ray, since those show bone, whereas MRI can see soft-tissue.
They’re thinking my tumor/growth would have been solid instead of fluid, since it showed up on an x-ray, which is unusual.
The x-ray was 2 years ago, and on the 31st I get a series of MRI’s to find out if the tumor is still there, if it’s stayed the same, or if it’s grown. We’re also trying to get a better idea of where exactly it is. If it’s inside the brain, that’s going to be harder to remove than if it’s between the jaw and the brain.
The best-case scenario would be that it’s somehow spontaneously dissolved in the past 2 years.
The 2nd best case scenario is that it’s benign and NON-growing.
The hard part about having an MRI is that it takes a long time and you have to lay COMPLETELY STILL for the entire thing. If you move it messes up the picture.
This particular MRI will be different from previous ones because they’re going to inject me with dye that will make my brain glow so they can see the picture better.
The dye is called “Gadolinium”.
I believe the reason ToTrees gets occasional MRI’s is because he has an arachnoid cyst behind an eye, or behind the nasal cavity, maybe. It’s mostly fluid but is still a serious thing which might end up being fatal if they can’t remove it. He’s hoping that if it drains enough, and if the webby parts of the cyst get absorbed, they can remove the cyst through his eye socket.
(ToTrees, if you’re here, please correct any mistakes I made there.)
I had an MRI with dye once. Fun tip, for about 24 hours you can set off radioactive material detectors.
Oooooh, you’ve had the dye?
Awesome.
I’ve been trying to find someone who knows what that’s like.
I’ve been wondering if I’ll be able to tell if the dye is there.
Example: Will it feel like something foreign is in my head? Will I have an odd taste in my mouth from it? Will I pee strange colors in the middle of WalMart while naked guys run around on fire?
You know.
The usual questions.
I didn’t experience anything. Except setting alarms off on base.
I had mine done to look at stress fractures in my femur while I was active duty military.
The crack on a normal X-ray was maybe 2 inches. Real faint. With the dye, the main crack was about 4 inches and spider web cracks everywhere. Reminded me of a night sky Oklahoma thunderstorm photo.
I seem to recall it was cold going in. That’s about all.
@Cordless: you should have asked, the dye does nothing. NOTHING. If you have allergies to any kind of anything they might suggest that you take something just in case, but the dye does NOOOOTHINGGGG. FTR, i’ve had MRI with and without dye, so yup, that’s how i know, they made me take an antihistamine because i’m a bit allergic to several things (and hugely allergic to a couple things).
Ok.
The last time I was in a hospital, and they had to hook me up to an IV, I remember the fluid felt cold going in. I remember I hated that because it felt like such an obvious intrusion into personal space. Hard to describe. It was uncomfortable even though it didn’t hurt.
So, all right… I’ll go into this expecting to feel cold veins….
Since it’s dye, I was curious about whether or not I’d have super-fantastic-day-glow pee for awhile, but I guess not.
Kinda scary about the radioactive thing, huh…?!
“Here comes Cordless!! Get the Geiger counter ready!!”
I find it ironic. Few years ago, the Russians poisoned an ex-KGB agent who had fled to England by tainting his tea with radioactive material.
They actually used Gieger to track the assailants footsteps.
So drinking is death but injection is harmless?
How ironic that would be if I really turned out to be a Russian spy….
That all sounds annoying. Waiting on test and doctors suck. Does your tumor happen to cause seizures? Or cancer related? Or is it benine? Sorry to ask, I’m curious. Best of luck to you and Totrees. I imagine that his cyst is very painful. It must suck having to live with these thing you both are.
So far I haven’t had seizures.
We don’t know yet if it’s cancer or benign.
We don’t know if it’s shrinking or growing or staying the same.
(It’s the “not knowing” that is rough).
Other than the mentally-blanking-out, there is the double-vision, which I mentioned.
I do have a lot of migraines, but I’ve had those all my life, and that seems to be caused by the abnormal curvature in my neckbones.
I think ToTrees mentioned that his cyst does cause brutal headaches, as well as nosebleeds when the cyst tries to drain.
Cordless; I hope it’s benign and easy to treat or remove. I wish you the best of luck. Keep me posted. Im glad it hasn’t caused too many problems yet. I hope Totrees has good news on his return as well.
I’m more concerned about him than I am about myself, since his is further along than mine is, and it seems to be causing him more problems.
Plus, as far as I know, we haven’t heard from him in a few days.
Maybe he’s just out spending time in the yard trying to catch moles, but we still worry.
You’re amazing <3
According to Death the Kid 8 is the perfect number, however my son would want to see 9 on this list, so:
9) You are an important person to many of us here, thank you for being such a positive influence in this world. You use your powers for good.
Ditto ^.
I HAVE to use my powers for good now.
That way when I become a super-villain later on and have numerous failed attempts at taking over the world, people will still remember me as a basically good person with a few disturbing issues.
In the year 2019:
Person #1: “Aacccgggh! It’s Cordless! Hide!”
Person #2: “Why? I like her.”
Person #3: “But wasn’t she the one who tried taking over the world last year with that unfortunate plot involving stale donuts and drunk ferrets? Remember? She wore this costume with a cape, and one day there was toilet paper stuck to the boots, but nobody said anything, and–”
Person #2: “Yeah, but we always liked her a lot on SP.”
Top 10 lists are so played out. Kudos to you for doing a Top 8 list.
Weird observation: I learned that the place I’m at doesn’t have a room #13. The numbering goes from 1 – 12, then 14 – 32. No 13.
What an odd superstition.
Some buildings don’t have a 13th floor, either.
http://www.timeout.com/chicago/things-to-do/buildings-without-13th-floor
Cordless; can I make a short comic about you taking over the world?
LOL!
If you would like to try that, go ahead.
I would probably make the worst supervillain ever, but I would have SO much fun trying.
@Cordless, you’d be a hilarious super villain. I think you’d be the female version of Gru from Despicable Me. XD
*walks into coffee shop*
“What’s this? A long line?!”
*pulls out freeze ray*
*shoots at people while yelling freeze ray!*
*saunters up to barista, asks for order*
*Just before paying, uses freeze ray on barista*
*grabs cash, walks out*
This would be AWESOME.
(*er, I mean… that would be… wrong…. yes… I totally meant to say that would be… very dishonest and… wrong…)
(*Pulls out sheet of graph paper and begins inventing freeze ray*)
“Oh snap I forgot my coffee.”
That would probably be exactly what would happen.
Also I would forget to freeze the security cameras.
I could picture cordless being a supervillian vividly. I will make a comic and send you a copy. It’ll give me something to do.
Have fun!