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I’m Bored

by Ylem

Is there anyone who can keep me company?

I’m at the hospital following a failed attempt with nothing to do. I’m bored stiff.


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sportsnut 3/22/2016 - 2:31 am

the nut is here

darkwillow 3/22/2016 - 2:32 am

*grabs nut cracker

sportsnut 3/22/2016 - 2:33 am

hehe..wouldnt be first time

Cordless 3/22/2016 - 2:34 am

(*starts humming Nutcracker Suite*)

Ylem31 3/22/2016 - 2:35 am

Of course the nut is here. I was expecting you to be the first to comment. When do you ever sleep nut cracker?

sportsnut 3/22/2016 - 2:37 am

lol..thats what hazy always says… you see most need beauty sleep..my soul already shimmers

Cordless 3/22/2016 - 2:41 am

You sparkle like a vampire in a Twilight book?

sportsnut 3/22/2016 - 2:44 am

i sparkle like a care bear on prom night

Cordless 3/22/2016 - 2:46 am

Do they sparkle more on prom night?

… Yeah. They probably do.

Cordless 3/22/2016 - 2:48 am


darkwillow 3/22/2016 - 2:32 am

I don’t believe i’ve gotten to know you yet Ylem31. That makes me sad. Hello, I’m darkwillow 🙂 care to talk?

Ylem31 3/22/2016 - 2:39 am

Well, let me turn that frown upside down. It’s nice to meet you too darkwillow. I’m from south africa, 22 yo girl, depressed as fuck with psychotic features now (visual hallucinations). I tried to end things this Sunday. It didn’t work. I’m still here. Still depressed as fuck and missing out on school.

Wow, that intro was weird. I wish I could say it someone IRL.

Forgive the language…

sportsnut 3/22/2016 - 2:41 am

i actually started to do that..have one and a half friends left..

Ylem31 3/22/2016 - 2:43 am

Lol…. My friends are threatening to leave me too if I keep acting like this.

Cordless 3/22/2016 - 2:43 am

One and a half?

sportsnut 3/22/2016 - 2:45 am

ha..you know what..you guys have given me courage to not be ashamed..

sportsnut 3/22/2016 - 2:47 am

@cordless.. ya one is still stradeling the fence

Cordless 3/22/2016 - 2:51 am

It’s hard to straddle a fence for very long.

sportsnut 3/22/2016 - 2:54 am

thats what im afraid of

Ylem31 3/22/2016 - 2:54 am

Courage to not be ashamed.

I think you guys have done that for me as well. My mother came to visit me yesterday, and she was telling every last one of my friends that I cut. She even showed them. I was pissed, but not humiliated. I didn’t care. I even told them why I do it and that I won’t stop, since it’s the only thing that helps me deal with the emotional pain.

I had the courage to say right before them that I hate the people who killed my brother and that I will never forgive them.

I even had the courage to finally tell them I’m an atheist. That didn’t work out too well. They started praying immediately after that.

Jeez people, leave me the hell alone!!

Cordless 3/22/2016 - 2:33 am

I’m here too; I’ll be around for another hour or so.

Cordless 3/22/2016 - 2:35 am

It’s been a few years since I had to spend the night in a hospital, but one thing I remember is that it was really hard to sleep.

Ylem31 3/22/2016 - 2:42 am

I can’t sleep too. They took away all my meds. They won’t even give me sleeping pills. Last night was such a struggle

Cordless 3/22/2016 - 2:45 am

I remember it was hard to sleep because the room wasn’t completely dark, plus there were always people walking around in the hallway.
And the bed was uncomfortable, and I was worried about tossing and turning because I didn’t want to rip the I.V. needle out of my arm.

Ylem31 3/22/2016 - 2:50 am

I don’t really mind the environment. This is my first hospital admission. I’ve spent nights in hospitals when I’m on call. The issue is, they took my sleeping pills. These damn doctors.

Cordless 3/22/2016 - 2:54 am

Has it at least been an interesting experience being able to see things from a patient’s perspective?

You can have insight now that a lot of those doctors will never get to have.

Sorry to hear they took your pills away. 🙁

Ylem31 3/22/2016 - 3:37 am

Yeah. Being a patient sucks! I prefer being the doctor. I wish I was out of here already. I can’t handle it anymore and it’s only been 2 days.

Cordless 3/22/2016 - 3:43 am

How long will you be there?

Ylem31 3/22/2016 - 4:22 am

I have no idea. I’m waiting for a consultation with a psychiatrist. I don’t think I’ll be discharged today. Probably tomorrow. If not tomorrow then I have no idea.

Ylem31 3/22/2016 - 4:37 am

I can feel another panic attack coming. I feel light headed. I’m going to lie down and pretend everything is okay.
I’m going to the psych ward for sure if I keep this up.

Cordless 3/22/2016 - 4:55 am

I hate panic attacks too.
Yes, go ahead and lie down.

I hope you will be all right.

It’s almost 5:00 in the morning here, and I have been awake all night long.
I’m going to try to get some sleep.
I will check back tomorrow to see if you have posted.
I hope you’re able to get some rest and find some peace and calmness.

Good night.

Ylem31 3/22/2016 - 5:07 am

It’s almost midday in South Africa. I’ve been up since 1 because of my insomnia.

sportsnut 3/22/2016 - 8:49 am

you doing ok now

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