So, I’ve made it clear I’m leaving. I’ve been attacked from every angle. It’s relentless. I’m holding my ground. I won’t back down. I’ll burn this fucking world to the ground.
Where’s this strength coming from? I’m not sure. I will use it as long as it last.
I theorize I’ve never been more serious about suicide. I don’t want to die. So human-drive.
Here’s a poem I wrote through my sons eyes:
Watching out the windows,
Looking out of doors,
Scanning the horizon,
Gaze up to the stars.
Searching for that something,
That has gone so far away,
I don’t remember why I’m waiting,
Or what use to fill this empty space.
Still I sit here so patient,
I no longer see your face,
I wish things were different,
I wish you’d have chose to stay.
27 comments
I’m so glad that you aren’t backing down.
I know your son will miss you. My father left our family when I was young, and I’m not about to lie to you and say that that wasn’t painful for all of us. But you know what would’ve been infinitely more painful? Losing him to suicide. If this is what you have to do to keep alive, then you’re doing the right thing, Alan.
Thanks my whiskered friend. You always seem to have some treasure of wisdom.
No problem, man. Thanks for the compliment. I’m so glad to be a help.
I do hope that works out for you man. I think leaving is a good choice all things considered. Don’t leave your kids behind tho, try to at least see them often, they don’t need to pay for the marriage thing.
I don’t plan to ditch them. My poem was created through a reflection of if I died. My son always thinks every loud car is me. Always watching, always waiting. I can’t imagine how long it take to realize I’m not coming back.
I tend to take the easiest route. Leaving is the hardest, with death being simpler, with staying put being the easiest. Yet staying will inevitably lead to death.
I plan on living vicariously through your freedom.
Hope so. It’s still a dream…
Yay for holding your ground.
I will eat a granola bar in your honor.
I’ll see your granola bar and raise you a kit kat
I’ve been summoned?
he he i was thinkin same thing
Break me off a piece of that…..
Oh god put it back, put it back!
LOL!!
This sounds like something they’d do as a side note on a Family Guy episode.
I can just hear Peter’s voice saying “Oh god, put it back! Put it back!”
@Alan Ominous, @Cordless,
That is definitely a family guy scene.
Petet: “… Like that time I choked on a candy bar.”
Everyone’s eating candy bars.
Peter turns to Louis. Louis is eating a Hersey’s bar.
“That’s not just your chocolate, it’s our chocolate! Louis! Break me off a piece of that!”
“Okay, Peeta!” (Louis voice)
*breaks off piece*
*octopus tentacles shoot out*
“Oh gawd, put it back, put it back!”
*tentacles wrap around Peter’s neck*
*Peter eventually falls to the ground, unconcsious*
End scene.
Oh yeah, compressed sawdust.
P.s. could you chew quieter? You’re disrupting my thought process…
Hiding in the trees,
Hiding in the bushes,
You’re sitting on the couch, and
I’m underneath the cusions.
Don’t hide here
It might as well be compressed sawdust.
I STILL can’t taste or smell anything.
On the bright side, I’m not half-deaf in the right ear anymore, so I can clearly hear you stalking around in the bushes out there.
I’m gonna broil a salmon fillet with lemon and basil in about 20 minutes. Grey squash and Jasmine rice with cracked roasted almonds.
Loops wrong post this is not the food network gaaah
I’d take a plate…
The Squash will be roasted too you would Like it
***like***
Other than the squash (which I’ve never been a fan of), the rest sounds delectable.
P.S. No dessert?
ha ha.. sportsnut.. is providing dessert
@Alan Ominous, dude you’ve got this! I believe in you.
Good luck man. I am knew here but at the end of my marriage I also thought a lot about suicide if I had to go on in that kind of life.
You’re doing the right thing
🙂
Your kid will survive and later you will became excellent honest connected friends.
I’m glad you’re not totally ditching your kids, I’m totally biased here having an absent father and not being a parent but that’s my opinion. I’m glad you’re getting out of a bad marriage, go you!