the realisation that I deserve to suffer and to die. I’ve realized it time and time again but it hurts the same every time. every so often I feel myself loosening, thinking, well maybe I deserve a chance to live at least until I’m 18 or 21 or 30, but I know deep down I’m wrong. I know that every day I continue to live is another unforgivable sin.
Every day you continue to live is an unforgivable sin? Why do you believe that? Why do you believe you deserve to suffer and die? I understand thinking that you can’t escape suffering…but aside from serial killers and rapists and people like that, I don’t see why anyone would actually deserve to suffer.
I am not a serial killer or a rapist and I don’t ever plan to be, but I waste air, space and other precious resources by existing. The amount of resources that it takes to sustain my life far exceeds any contribution I could or would ever make to the world. The convenience for the rest of the world if I died coupled with my own desire to die makes it a viable option, and perhaps the best one.
18? Wait a second, 4beyondhelp. If you don’t mind me asking: how old are you?
Oh…friend, you have so much time to earn your place in the world. What could you have possibly accomplished in such a short time? You should give yourself a chance.
It’s not so much what I haven’t accomplished up to now, it’s the knowledge that I will most likely never accomplish anything. I am not sure I want a place in the world anyway. Nothing ever seems worth the effort.