Sometimes I feel guilty for feeling the way I do.. I have a good job, good car, people who care about me. But I’m still not happy! And never have been. How pathetic is that? There are homeless people, children starving in Africa, someone dying of cancer right now begging for just another day. And here I am wishing I was never given this “gift” of life, I don’t see the point in it. I often think about suicide, and the only reason I don’t do it is because of my brothers, I don’t want them to feel pain. Idk if that’s selfish or selfless.
Anyways, the worst part of it all, is I’m not so sure there is an end it all. Even after death, what if we’re still miserable and unhappy?
4 comments
Hi Wildflower. I feel your pain. I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts for a very long time. Here is my take on it… again, this is MY opinion. I’m not telling you this should be your opinion too. But sometimes it just helps to get other people’s viewpoint on the issue.
First, I don’t think suicide is selfish. You can check out my post on the matter (title: Suicide doesn’t have to be selfish).
Second, since I don’t believe in God or religion or an afterlife (this is the 21st Century after all and I’m more into science than superstition), I don’t view life as a “gift.” And needless to say, because I don’t accept the belief in an afterlife, I don’t feel that there is any possibility of being miserable or unhappy after dying. The reason for my thinking is thus: I don’t personally recall any experience of existence prior to being born, so I highly doubt that I’ll experience anything after my death. Of course, I can only relate to MY own experiences in this area. But that’s the way I see it anyway. Before birth… nothing; after death… nothing. No heaven, no hell, no pleasure, no pain. Again, this is MY opinion.
And thirdly, I think maybe you might be more like me than first meets the eye. It’s not that I am unhappy BECAUSE of not having a decent life (like you said, good car, good job, people that care about you, etc)… but rather, BECAUSE of the other things you mentioned (homeless people, starving children, people dying of cancer, etc).
You see, I am one of those super emphatic people… I have a very difficult time being happy BECAUSE of all the suffering in the world. How can I be happy and have a good time when there is SO much suffering? But it goes deeper than that. I get to the point where I am actually ashamed to be human BECAUSE of all the horrible suffering that we humans inflict on each other, the animals, and the world itself.
It just get’s overwhelming for me, and it’s at those times that I just want to crawl in a hole and die… to make the world go away! I just want the pain to stop. Not just MY pain, but the pain of every living being in existence.
Existence IS suffering. Everything that exists, suffers. The only way to extinguish suffering is to cease to exist. At least that’s my take on it. If it helps, great. If it doesn’t, well, I’m sorry.
Jack
At this moment the only thing I can offer, from the feelings of guilt to patheticness to bewilderment, to main inhibition, is that you’re very much not alone.
I made up a curse word, once; something to go along with a story I had. It meant “be reborn”, akin to “your life on this earth did not earn passage to the next. You were horrible, so walk this horrible world again.” I’m not a religious person, but something that I’ve begun thinking about lately (I guess my other worries became too mundane to keep me occupied) is that if there IS some sort of afterlife, what If I’m still ‘this’ in it? How terrifying if there is no end to that.
Do not feel pathetic or guilty
You say:
“Sometimes I feel guilty for feeling the way I do.. I have a good job, good car, people who care about me. But I’m still not happy! And never have been. How pathetic is that? There are homeless people, children starving in Africa, someone dying of cancer right now begging for just another day.”
You care about the suffering going on, because
You care about people.
You have a big heart.
You want their pain to end too. You don’t want to see people suffering.
You feel your pain is insignificant, it is not.
All pain is pain no matter how insignificant it seems. I hope death doesn’t continue to make us feel miserable and unhappy…
ignore my stupid reply!!! sorry