Lost

I feel lost and very alone. I’m hurting, it’s nothing new and I have been for a very long time. The issue is I’m so alone. I have very few people in my life, and while I’m close to them I’m scared to ask for help. I love them so much I can’t stand the thought of dragging them down into the agony I’m feeling myself. I feel if I was gone they would mourn for a few months and move on faster than the horrible drama and ridicule that comes from dealing with “professionals”. I’ve been down that route and wasn’t helped. It got to the point where I began to fake being happy so others would leave me alone. I feel like no one can understand, I don’t even fully understand. All I know is that in this instance I’m lonely and lost.