My guilty sentiments are very vulnerable.
Everything makes me feel guilty.
From the smallest things like knocking over a pencil,
To blaming myself for the Holocaust,
I don’t kid.
I am burdened with my own blame. My own Guilt.
Everything makes me guilty.
I am the cause of everything bad and I deserve to die horribly.
What the most recent experience? Take ten seconds ago. A peer at my school e-mailed me asking what questions we had to do for class. I wish I wrote down her parts on my paper, not just mine. But I only wrote my parts, because its only my responsibility, right?
Wrong.
I’m a selfish bastard who only considered myself and not her.
Its funny, because she figured it out already, her parts, with the information I gave her.
But still.
I just think I should die. I could’ve helped her properly. I knew I should’ve written her parts down on my paper.
I’m stupid I’m stupid I’m stupid. I should fucking kill myself.
My fault my fault my fault.
Godammit.
I bet this post is stupid too.
I hope this post dies.
I hope I die, too.
4 comments
This post isn’t stupid. This post is NOT stupid. Holy sh it, I could’ve wrote this post, word for word. Almost word for word, anyway.
I like you, GT. I haven’t talked to you too much yet but already I care about you like a friend. I wish, I wish, I wish I could just show how everyone else sees you. If I already see you as a friend, than imagine how everyone else around you must see you! You’re not perfect but humans generally aren’t. You can’t possibly be as wretched as you believe yourself to be.
And I feel like such a fcking MORON because I know, as someone who thinks about themself similar to how you do, that what I’m saying probably isn’t convincing you. But it’s true, it’s true, and I wish there was some way I could just show you.
I think I heard you, through your words.
You express yourself nicely when you mean it.
🙂
Thanks, friend.
Oh, thank God that you did. And thank you for the compliment. I meant every word.
I don’t think how you’re feeling is stupid either. I don’t have a solution to a sensitive heart tonight.