I used to have many friends, all who would talk to me and lift me up through the deep/hard parts of life. But they keep walking away from me, as if I am not worth their time anymore. I do not blame them because I would walk away from me too if I could. I just wish I had more people in my life who actually cared about me and not themselves or their own person interests. For once, I want someone who will ask me how I am doing and keep talking to me even when I am down.
But the world is a cruel place and not a wish granting factory. Pain I guess demands to be felt.
3 comments
You have my sympathy. But look at bright side: fewer people in your life means fewer problems, concerns, and responsibilities.
Did you do the same for them too? i mean, i know i’d like someone that listened to me and helped me through my problems, but being down all the time does wear down on the people around you. I know for a fact that several people did try to help me along the way, and at some point left not because they did not care, but because i was seriously affecting their own well being. That, i can perfectly understand, because what’s the point of dragging more people along with me?
I guess that what i’m trying to say is that you receive back what you give (and at times not even that), so maybe you’ve just not had the right kind of friends. Friends that selfishly keep on helping even if you’re dragging them down?… sadly those are almost non existent.
Good morning -M-,
I feel your pain. I don’t have many friend left either. At my age, most of my friends have died already. I was never the popular one in school anyway; always kept to myself, mostly. But what Mf says is true. I have experienced that as well.
Some years ago my best friend told me that I should get a shrink and try to get on disability because I have a very difficult time coping in this world. Even though I have experienced a lifetime of depression, I laughed it off. My family never believed in dealing with mental illness that way, you know, getting on welfare and becoming a burden to society. But my friend is dead now. And every day is harder and harder for me to deal with things. Sometimes I think of trying to find a shrink and following the advice of my dear dead friend… getting on welfare if I can, and just becoming a hermit. But truthfully, most of the time, I just think of ending it all. To put an end to my pain once and for all.
Most people think that suicidal thoughts stem from being selfish. But you hit the nail on the head. This world is cruel. People are cruel. Maybe some of my pain comes from selfishness. But if I had to be brutally honest with myself, I’d say that the majority of my pain comes from the cruelty of the world. When I look at the world, all I see is death. For example, there are 35 BILLION animals being murdered in United States slaughterhouses every year; Yellowstone Park just murdered over 900 bison last month in a huge capture and kill operation; grizzly bears have been stripped of their endangered species protection status and are being hunted again; baby seals getting their heads bashed in for their fur; the list goes on and on! It’s overwhelming!
People are so hypocritical. We kill and kill and kill. We destroy and destroy and destroy. Oh, this is just the tip of the iceberg for me. True, when a person is suicidal there are always way too many issues and problems; it’s never just ONE reason. Yeah, I’ve been dealing with depression for as long as I can remember. And I’m old now. How I’ve lasted this long, I don’t know. But I’m tired of feeling this way. I’m exhausted. I’ve lost all fascination with existence. I’m ashamed to be human! I don’t know if this helps you. It probably doesn’t. Sorry.
Maybe it’s just enough to know that I understand your pain.
HUGS