It seems like for so many people, relationships or family is what keeps them alive or gives their life meaning. I’m kind of the opposite, though. In my adult life I’ve never gotten much benefit from close relationships. Eventually I tend to feel trapped, or burdened by their expectations. And because I’m so hypersensitive, the inevitable squabbles and conflicts can be excruciating for me. So I get very little of the good and all of the bad.
At the same time, I’m not immune to loneliness, as much as I wish I could just go live in an abandoned cave for the rest of my life. So it’s always going to be an exhausting balancing act between making friends and keeping everyone at a safe emotional distance. And then wondering what the point of it all is.