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i can not anymore

by hopegone

I can not anymore
to think everyone would be better off without me, all could live better, could do more things, I realized how much I never should have been alive I feel I am insignificant, I’m a nuisance, I am nothing
I’m bad at all
for my parents I am disappointed, I have bad grades, do not talk to my family, I do not talk to my sister, I have no future at all, I’m a bad person, I’m a bad friend, I’m a bad brother, I’m a bad boyfriend I am a bad student, I’m bad at all and simply and has caused many problems and I do not want to cause more, I have no hope, a reason to cling to life, and not because living however, I am a coward, I am weak to end all problems, and thought about suicide several times and I only just crying for hours
I do not know what to do
and I lost all hope

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11 comments

distant.road 4/3/2016 - 3:55 pm

You are overwhelming yourself with a huge list of self-commentary that isn’t nice. 🙁

When you have a moment, take some time to write down things that you’re good at. Work just as hard on that list as you did with the list above.

As for the list above, take another look at it. Note the things that truly need to be worked on. Prioritize them so you can work on them one at a time. If you have difficulty working on one item, ask someone or research ways to improve it. Don’t work on everything at once.

I’m willing to bet that many of the items above aren’t as bad as you think. Give yourself a lot of credit for making it to where you are.

hopegone 4/3/2016 - 5:59 pm

but I’m not good at anything 🙁

DoubleZero 4/3/2016 - 4:05 pm

Hey there. I know how you feel. I happen to be in a similar position. I’m simply not good enough and I’m sure everyone would be better off without me. I have overall no motivation and I see no light and no future.
But I’ve been having suicidal troughs everyday for the past ten years, and let me tell you, every day I have found a reason to fight ’til the next one. Let it be a movie I wanna see (Suicide Squad, OMG) or a book that hasn’t arrived to my country yet (Catacomb, by Madeleine Roux), there’s always something that makes me want to stay a little more. There’s also my mom, who says she could never make it without me, and even tho I don’t believe that’s true, I can’t be 100% sure, so I keep on trying for her as well.
I don’t know about your life, your likes and dislikes, your family situation (I have four sisters and I only speak with one of them), your personal goals. But I’m sure you will be able to find something to hang on if you search very hard. I hope you find it soon.
Maybe talking about what’s on your mind will actually help. Instead of giving up, why don’t you try and talk with your girlfriend? Maybe you’ll get a pleasant surprise and find support there. I’m sure you will.
Talking about your problems, out laud, will help you identify them better. And then you will be able to start working on solutions. It’s not going to happen overnight, but every step forward is a step closer to your goal.
Stay strong, and don’t close up.

hopegone 4/3/2016 - 6:14 pm

Thanks for understand
but I have nothing for which to fight i’m only here because I’m weak and I’m afraid
every time I try to think of something, I can not
I want to find something, I’ll try to talk to her I think it’s the only thing good that I have
I will try to do something, change
thanks for your support really appreciate it

DoubleZero 4/3/2016 - 6:20 pm

I don’t think you’re weak, and maybe you’re afraid, but you’re brave, then, because it takes a lot of courage to get up and fight your demons everyday. I hope you talk to your girlfriend. You can always talk to me, as well.

kid.in.the.dark 4/3/2016 - 4:28 pm

So, I’m not going to say it gets better, because honestly, I don’t think it does. But can I ask why you’re such a bad person? I feel as though I’m the worst in the world .. I know how you feel though. I have nobody who is there for me. Nobody who can help. I almost killed myself a couple days ago and can’t remember what stopped me. Literally. All I remember is bright lights then I passed out.

I know it sounds stupid because I don’t know you at all, but you seem like a very special and sweet person. Anyone who is willing to tell the truth about how they feel about themself matters. The world needs more people like you, but if you’re going to leave forever, good luck I guess… And make sure you die smiling. Maybe your family won’t be as devastated if they find your dead body smiling… Who knows..

hopegone 4/3/2016 - 6:40 pm

why?
because all my life i caused problems, to all,
not sound stupid at all
Thank you very much your words is good to think that I can be sweet and special

kid.in.the.dark 4/3/2016 - 6:57 pm

How do you cause problems to all? I’m the reason my two best friends killed themselves.. My parents say I’m an absolute failure and say to my face that they wish I was never born.

I don’t think you can be that bad of a person. I don’t think a bad person would be willing to say they are a bad person. Good people can make bad decisions, but it doesn’t make them a bad person.

kupo95 4/3/2016 - 6:10 pm

Ive felt and feel the same way if you wanna talk im here.

hopegone 4/3/2016 - 6:45 pm

thanks, I would like to have someone to talk to

whiskered-fish 4/3/2016 - 6:54 pm

I don’t think you’re a bad person, bad brother, bad son, bad friend, or bad boyfriend. You’re depressed, and depression makes it hard for people to talk to others, or help them with things, or be social. It isn’t your fault that you’re depressed, and you matter just as much as anyone else does. If you need to take this time in your life to rest for a little while, then that doesn’t make you a bad person.

I’m so sorry that you think this way about yourself. You deserve to be happy. And you aren’t a weak person for not killing yourself. It’s normal to avoid and fear death.

You are a unique person, and once you die, there will never be another person exactly like you.

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