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What’s it like to be lonely…

by justalonelygirl16

I have one friend and I love him so much. No one could ever understand how much I love him.

I’m mentally “ill”, and he’s not, and he doesn’t understand me, but he loves me anyways, even if he can’t understand the things I feel…

And I’m so happy that he loves me so much.

But it’s so hard to give him space when all I want to do is be around him.

I want to spend all of my time with him.

I’ve always been so lonely all of the time.

And now I have not just a friend, but a lover, and it makes me so happy, to not be alone anymore.

I can talk to someone now. A real person. I can talk to him, and he’s a real person, and I know that he’s real.

But he can’t understand what I feel. He doesn’t understand the voices.

And right now I just don’t understand what’s going on right now.

He doesn’t want to see me, he doesn’t want to be with me, what’s going on??

Tomorrow I’m seeing the psychiatrist, I need him to come with me, I need to get more medication, I don’t want to hallucinate anymore, he’s all I have

I have so much confusion inside of me, and he won’t talk to me, why won’t he talk to me…

All I keep hearing are the voices, and they’re not him, but they can try to sound like him, but I know they aren’t him

I need him.

And he won’t talk to me.

And he doesn’t want to see me.

But he’s real I know he’s real.

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3 comments

PhantomCitizen43 4/13/2016 - 9:11 pm

Well I am sorry to hear that you have found somebody who you love > but for some reason he doesn’t want to be with you currently. Its sad to find love and then have it go that way.

I dont know the full scope of your interaction together > but I do have to say that there are some people who do not understand mental illness and some people get a bit freaked out about it.

If I were you I would try to talk to your doctor by yourself and see if you can get a handle on this mental issue that you have and then from there maybe you could approach this guy that you love in a more clearer way.

You also might want to try writing him a letter or send him an email if you can and explain to him how you feel about him and maybe let him know more about your illness. Some people are frightened by what they don’t know. If you talk to him about it maybe he can come to terms with it and be able to be with you once again.

I wish you the best

DeadHeart 4/13/2016 - 10:38 pm

Sorry to hear about your boyfriend, it may be he’s still young but as you get older you’ll bump into someone who wants to be around you 24/7, promise!

muspelhem 4/14/2016 - 1:05 am

Just hazarding a guess, but sometimes guys split after you have sex with them. Because, you know, they got what they wanted.

It could be something else, of course.

Anyway, kudos for loving someone, and for fighting your fight.

Hugs

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