I see my therapist on Friday, and I haven’t done anything I was supposed to do over the last few weeks before our appointment. It was all anxiety-related stuff, and I haven’t even given it a second thought. I’ve been too preoccupied with the building anxiety over the voices and Bree instead.
I think it’s safe to say the weird mood I’ve been in for over a month has completely and utterly dropped. I can’t even remember what it was, but something made me snap the other day and I’ve felt awful since. Or maybe I’ve just slipped into the depression-side of this hyperactive episode – I did that last week. I was fine all day, and that night and for the next two days I went to overdose multiple times before falling right back into the ridiculous mood again. I don’t know.
In the last couple days I’ve been hanging on by a thread, though. I’m terrified of the Angels doing anything else to my family because I won’t listen, so I’m constantly on edge waiting for something to happen because of how ignorant I’ve been over the past week.
My mum knows about why I relapsed now, and no doubt she’ll bring it up to my therapist and psychiatrist because I won’t stop thinking this way. I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone at all. Great. This is going to end well.
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I haven’t heard much about Jeremy lately; is he gone?
Funnily enough, I originally wrote a little about Jeremy when I first started this post. I deleted it because it wasn’t really relevant to anything I was saying. He’s still quite frequent – a few hours a day, 4/5 times a week, at least.
I think he tries to get here when Bree isn’t – they’re complete opposites. Though, it’s rare Bree isn’t with me now, so he gets stuck with her.
Hey, Jiminy. If you don’t mind me asking, what sorts of things were you supposed to do in the weeks leading up to the appointment?
I was supposed to be forced into doing things which I can’t do because of anxiety. For example, I can’t pay for things in a shop, so I get someone to do it for me. And a relative was going to call me – I freeze up on the phone and have panic attacks, so I avoid phone calls.