Disappearing

*crys*

*follows the cry into his bedroom*

*runs to me with tears rolling down his cheeks*

“What’s wrong?” *hugs him back*

“I don’t want you to disappear” *has twice as many tears rolling down making his face damp*

*gets down on knees to be just about level with him; stares at him straight in the eyes; then breaks into tears putting her cheek with his mixing their tears together* “I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you. But I did, and I’m sorry.”

“Will… you… disappear?” *he said between tears*

“You’re the reason why I haven’t disappeared already. But I’m sorry for you knowing that I don’t want to be here. I really am.” *hugs him tighter than before* “I don’t ever want to let you go.”

“I love you, and I don’t want to see leave.”

“I love you so much, I don’t ever want to lose you.”

 *both hug each other tight for a while and cry together*

This conversation wasn’t in my head, this time it really happened, but it just keeps replaying in my head. This boy is my little brother, he means everything to me even though sometimes he may be too much to handle, but I still love him, he is pretty much the only reason why I am still alive (and family too but not as much as him) This conversation had hurt me so much, I feel so bad that he knows that I want to kill myself. My whole family found out that I’m suicidal, he was just the last one to find out about it. I never wanted him to see me that way but now that he knows he’s been crying for me. I’m so sorry about it, I don’t want to leave you. I’m still crying from this conversation.