Hello, one and all. I am… A newbie poster. *confetti*
I hear things. I hear and see people that aren’t there when I double take or listen harder. When I search my home, no one but myself can be found. Some say it’s stress, some say it’s being tired… Some say I’m crazy.
I don’t know the cause or case, I just know it’s been happening my entire life. Some days I can block it all away. Some days I can’t. Some days what they say makes no sense, some days I find myself with a cord around my neck in my closet. And it’s not that I just magically find myself there but it’s more like, I know what I’m doing, I know the voices are prompting me… And as much as I want to stop, some days I don’t. Some days I can’t.
Possession?
Psychosis?
Who knows….
Or maybe it’s some part of me that knows that I do the world a community service in being dead…
I feel so few, if any really need me and the voices egg this notion on. I know people care, regardless of how many, one is better than none – right?
The things I see, the creatures – are they people? Are they spirits? Are they annoying? Sometimes. They cause me to lose focus, darting in and out of my line of vision like some sugar happy child, bouncing off the walls in some ill attempt to gain attention… And sometimes I can look them dead on but when I blink, they’re gone. While I’m driving, I’ll be so sure that I see someone in the road ahead of me and I start hitting my brakes only for no one to be there. Do they want me dead as well? Are they in cahoots with the voices? Are the voices I hear the voices of these apparitions I see?
Sometimes my head is a peaceful hum of background noise; other times, it is like being in a call center brimmed with thousands of workers, all simultaneously doing their damn, tedious job…
Dying would stop the voices and visions. I wouldn’t see, I wouldn’t hear. I would just be dead. I would be in a damn ply wood box, dressed in my best with my hair and makeup done as if anyone else is going to see me this way besides on that one day they hold a funeral — if they find my body. I could just up and vanish all together, couldn’t I?
Can dying really be easier than living? Can living be as easy as dying?
Good morning, world – These are my thoughts, pre-workout, pre-shower over a cup of Joe.
6 comments
You shouldn’t listen to the voices nor give any more reason to them or to the projections than they deserve. It’s a result of chemical processes in the brain when parts which shouldn’t be stimulated get stimulated in the wrong time in the wrong place. There are medications which can help get rid of it. You shouldn’t suffer if there is another way.
Have you tried looking for some consult? Life can be really hard even without hearing voices badmouthing you, but they can be fought against to some extent.
I have tried therapy and medication. The medications didn’t help. Drinking and using pills didn’t help (Though now I’m sober from that everyday toxic lifestyle. Only casual drinking every blue moon…)
Sometimes, sometimes they make sense. Their constant egging on; sometimes it’s to hurt me physically, sometimes they hurt me emotionally when I let them. Sometimes they want me to hurt others. There’s really only one thing (a person) who keeps my mind quiet and calm… I worry it won’t always work, being around this person.
I dunno, mato42, I just feel like sometimes, it would be easier to end things, things being my life obviously. I’m conflicted. Logic says I have things to live for while mentally, logic aside, I feel the opposite.
It sounds to me like what would be labelled schizophrenia (but then I am no psychiatrist).
There is a psychologist working in Denmark with people who hear voices, to help them cope with it without medication, as far as I understand. Because, well, medication usually comes with drawbacks.
I think she hears voices herself, but has still managed to take a degree in psychology. Pretty cool.
I wonder if those voices told her to choose that field. This thread is getting too meta for me
muspelhem – Would you happen to have a name for this psychologist? I would love to do more research on her.. I’ve done my own studies on what I could be experiencing. Some of it adds up, some of it doesn’t. I’ve seen someone and whatnot…
Foff – Clever. Now I’m curious.