I’m losing it

Hi, I’m a new member here so I guess I will start off with a little background. I am currently a 17 year old, high school Jr. that has been struggling with depression for almost four years. About three years ago I attempted suicide. It was the lowest point in my life and I’m noticing a lot of similarities between then and now. Today, I had my first suicidal thought in about 3 years and I’m genuinely scared. I remember when I had my first suicidal thought so long ago, it was exactly like this one. I thought about how and why i would do it, then I brushed it off thinking I was crazy, Over time, the thoughts just kept growing. I really don’t want this to happen again. I knew it was coming too, because of how worse my depression has gotten over the past few weeks. It was pretty dormant until about a year and a half ago when I started isolating myself from the rest of the world. It was subtle things like, not going skating with my friends or not going with my dad to the store (which is something I ALWAYS did). Once I got back to school after the summer, I stopped hanging out with all of my friends. I only kept two close friends, which eventually turned to one and then none. I’ve never had a problem with being alone, infact I actually prefer it. The only problem is being CONSTANTLY alone. I like to vent my frustrations, which I havent been able to do, so I’ve been doing it to myself out loud. The only other issue I have with being alone constantly, is being alone with my thouughts. They are literally eating me up inside. I started online school a few months ago, so my face to face human interaction has drastically decreased and I noticed how I am developing anxiety issues. I will literally sit in one spot for hours, shaking, staring at a wall. just thinking. I also noticed how I have becoming noticeably more aggressive. I’m lost and scared. I’m sorry, this was just off the top of my head. Thank you for reading.