PERFECT ROMANTIC DINNER WITH YOUR LOVED ONE IN 12 STEPS

This is actually a re-post. Not here in the SP, but this has been posted before in other sites.
I just felt like honoring a former fellow soldier who fought the good fight.

I’d say this is both fun and sad if you read between the lines. Creative nonetheless.

What do you think?

PERFECT ROMANTIC DINNER WITH YOUR LOVED ONE IN 12 STEPS

1. Pour yourself a glass of wine to relax, and to help you feel more comfortable around the food. To get down to its
level, so to speak.

2. Pour yourself another glass of wine. It’s great to be at home, in your own kingdom where you are the queen and
everything else is your slave.

3. Pour yourself a third glass of wine, except pour this one into a new glass and set it aside… it will make you feel
like there’s someone else in the room you’ve been talking with.

4. Grab a knife–who’s there?! Ugh, right, it’s just the glass you left out. Remember?

5. Chop up the food and put it into little bowls. Then put a big bowl over each of the littler bowls and scoot them
around on the counter like you’re doing a magic trick; it’s important to stay relaxed and loose.

6. Turn on the oven to your favorite degree. I like to use numbers that end in 00 because it looks like two googly eyes.

7. Do you need a little bit more wine? Fill up your glass to the tippy-top and go take a seat by the window. Look
outside for a while. What’s really going on out there?

8. This part’s optional, but blow onto the window glass and quickly draw a penis and two balls in the breath circle.
Very funny, you.

9. While the food’s cooking, go upstairs and put on your makeup. If you really want to impress your husband, match your
makeup to what you’re making for dinner, which’ll remind him that not only is your food delicious, but it looks like you.
To give him an extra treat, draw a small picture on your face with a marker.

10. If by this point you’ve got any throw up on your clothes, don’t worry. You’d be surprised by how many people have at
least a little bit of throw up on their clothes by the end of the day.

11. Turn off all the lights, and then turn them on again. Depending on how much time you have left, keep doing this for
a while.

12. Here he comes! I like to hide in the closet among the coats before he walks through the door, so that once he’s in
the hallway I can jump out and pretend I’m a haunted jacket.