Will the doors of our perception ever be cleansed?
Dreams are so cruel sometimes, especially when you have a really good dream and you wake up from it. Me, for example, I am struggling with my sexuality. I’m a closeted bi-sexual and I often fantasize about being with a girl. One who I would not be afraid to be with, one that I would gladly spend the rest of my life figuring out ways to make them smile. But then, I wake up. I’m back to the hell of reality. I live in a verbally (previously physically abusive home). I do not have a driver’s license because I have grown up in a home […]
So I’ve just broken up with my girfriend of 2 and half years and I’m devastated; I’m heartbroken.
all I can think is I’m too blame, I wish I cared more for her when we were together. Instead I’m sitting here contemplating stupid things.
I’ve been such an idiot. I want her back I need her.
This is actually a re-post. Not here in the SP, but this has been posted before in other sites.
I just felt like honoring a former fellow soldier who fought the good fight.
I’d say this is both fun and sad if you read between the lines. Creative nonetheless.
What do you think?
PERFECT ROMANTIC DINNER WITH YOUR LOVED ONE IN 12 STEPS
1. Pour yourself a glass of wine to relax, and to help you feel more comfortable around the food. To get down to its
level, so to speak.
2. Pour yourself another glass of wine. It’s great to be at home, in your own kingdom where you […]
Normally I have some sort of poem, writing, or abstract art of words.
Today is different.
I’ve not spoke to her in 3 weeks. Last time was an argument over childish ideology.
When her ringtone started on my phone, I thought I was dreaming. I thought a cruel joke was about to ensue and drape me in yet another dissapointment.
I was right. The slight elevation of her voice rang a seldom felt and more distinct chord within my soul.
First was elation. Delight. Joy.
Last was the truth. The tragic truth of deceptions.
The voice of which I once had no other reason to wake up to, shattered my progress. […]
I ve crossed the border as I was afraid it would happen one day. Tried to work so hard on my exams but then everything went out of control. Couldn think, it was to painful, so I overmedicated in order to sleep. But when I woke up everything was still the same and thought I know my life has gotten a little better can t handle it anymore. So I guess that s more or less the end and it s a shame but as nothings works anymore, my life is even emptier as my death will.
What is death if not the opposite of life?
How beautiful is to await the coming of the end of life and the start of a dead beginning
How will I see death then?
Will I be able observe the process of death (which I dont even know how long it lasts) and await the beginning of a new life as fearful as I am for death now?
why the waiting in line for something we can have now?
will it be the same when I am dead? waiting in line for life to begin again but eventually having the option to begginning when I want?
Should I stay or should I go? If you love someone but you are causing them harm mentally should you stay? Even if you two love each other? This decision is killing me. Everyone that im around I effect in a negative way. My emotions are to strong. When im depressed and dont eat others around me do everything in their power to cheer me up and when that fails they go from understanding to being annoyed at me. It makes me feel like shit. Even right now, sitting among a friend watching Bobs Burgers for the first time Im trying not to freak out. […]
You are wrong, fucked, and overrated!
I think I’m gonna be sick and it’s your fault!
This is the end of everything.
You are the end of everything.
I haven’t slept since I woke up and found my whole life was a lie, ************!
This is the end of everything.
You are the end of everything!
Shallow skin, I can paint with pain.
I mark the trails on my arms with your disdain.
Everyday it’s the same – I LOVE, YOU HATE.
But I guess I don’t care any more.
Fix my problems with the blade.
While my eyes turn from blue to gray.
God, the […]
As I sit in lonely silence
I realize my violence
I look to see my scars
And I wish upon the stars
For something simply brighter
Than trying to be a fighter
I’ve never felt so tired
It was you that I admired
You left me in the dust
When I thought that I could trust
All you said were lies
So I gave them a disguise
My immature mind
Made me think that you were kind
I would make this the end
But I feel I should defend
All the things you said
Didn’t want me to be dead
I know I love you […]
I never knew there was a video for this now 12 year old song. I was depressed when it came out and i still am. I may never overcome it honestly. In some ways i understand that. I dont know how ive lasted this long. There is plenty of reason to be proud of myself. I’m tired of the permanent loneliness. The emotional disconnect from humanity. I don’t have social networking/media. I have never dated regularly anyone in person. Ive never had real close friends save for a needy user. I have goals and hopes and even help with them. Im going to […]
Lately, I’very been putting together a bucket list of things I would do if tomorrow didn’t exist or there would be no tmorrow very soon. Some activities appear normal while some are batsh*t insane. Deeds where the worst of my actions would leave me shame or embarrassment, or the greatest acts of kindness would present some of the best things I could offer those around me. Most things I have on that list show how selfish I can be, and the remainder show how selfless I am depending on the scenario. I suppose, if I am selectively selfless, wouldn’t that still make me selfish since […]
This is attributed to Elizabeth I –
I grieve and dare not show my discontent;
I love, but am forced to hate;
I do, yet dare not say I ever meant;
I seem stark mute, yet inwardly do prate.
I am and not, I freeze yet am burned;
Since from myself my other self I turned.
My care is like my shadow in the sun;
Follows me flying, flees when I pursue it;
Stands and lies by me, does what I have done.
His too familiar care does make me rue it.
No means to rid him from my breast,
Till by the end of things […]
Recently the depression has really been picking up and the desire to just end everything has gotten so much stronger.. I’ve been thinking a lot about the consequences of suicide and just feeling awful about it.
It’s like bang – gone – no more pain – rebirth or silence but at least escape – but then the thoughts of my family at my funeral, the friends who I have made future promises too, people I love and know I would hurt… Why does an act that ultimetely reflects a life long struggle and is truly personal have such a ripple effect? Why can’t I end my […]
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