Since my ex has decided I wasn’t worth the effort, and has left me and our life behind, I believe he deserves one last birthday gift from me.
I have until the first of next year to get my affairs in order, then on his birthday, even though he will never know it, he will get the gift of finally being free of me for good.
I know he’s not worth it, but nether is living with the pain of losing him and the years of lonliness I will be facing, knowing he moved on with his life the day he left.
I just hope one day, if only for a little while, he will look back on his life with me and have at least a moment of regret or remorse, because my biggest mistake in our relationship was trusting him when he swore he would never leave me.
36 comments
As someone who has never been attractive enough for a serious relationship I admit im unqualified to say this to an extent but please dont he’s not worth it. There are plenty of men who will treat you better and are looking for you. You cant find them if you’re dead. Please reconsider.
I’m too ugly to have ever had a serious relationship, and too ugly for the love of my life that I do EVERYTHING for, who I’m going to be spending a good $30 on for all kinds of cold meds coz he’s sick and bringing it to him after work… just wish I had a chance. I know your pain because I HATE and CAN’T STAND to even think of a life without him. :'(
He really isn’t worth it. And don’t think that you will be forever some. He is one person who obviously didn’t make the right choice and left. That simply means you are better off without him.
Someone better is out there somewhere. Someone who will love you unconditionally and will stay no matter what. You have to give love more than one chance. You deserve it.
The fact he abandoned you with such lack of emotion or care tells me he is far from a good hearted man.
You might decide to search for someone who IS a genuinely caring man, Special? ( in time ) That would be the ultimate payback.
Neil Young, the Canadian singer-songwriter and musician wrote and sang about his search for a heart of gold.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eh44QPT1mPE
I would like to make a few points:
First off, you had a relationship, and that is something to treasure, even if you have now parted ways.
Second, everyone is free to leave a relationship if they so please. I sometimes fantasize about women I am attracted to shedding a tear if I committed suicide and suddenly realising what a great guy I am, but that is imagined emotional blackmail: killing yourself to force someone to feel something for you.
Instead of trying to manipulate people into liking you, be kind to yourself and to people you like, and hope that some of them reciprocate.
Besides, even if he broke up, I am sure he misses you sometimes, after all, he went out with you in the first place, did he not?
As someone who has been dumped and who has talked about suicide with my significant other post break up, it’s not about manipulating them to “like you”. It’s about wanting them to feel something, anything for you. Especially wanting them to know the pain they caused. Muspelhem, saying that he must miss Special2 doesn’t change the fact that he left and cut her/him out of his life. Everything you said is insensitive and proves you’ve never been through this
Guess what:
People have a damn right to leave you and cut you out of their lives. You may hate it. I know I hate it when it happens to me.
But that does not give me the right to threaten suicide to make them feel for me. That is a horrible, manipulative, controlling thing to do.
You are the one wishing to inflict your own emotions on another human being against their will. And you call me insensitive?
Christ almighty 🙁
Let me put it another way:
If you want to live in a world where you can dump someone you no longer want to be with, and not be harassed by them afterwards because they are sad that you dumped them, then that starts with you and your own actions.
I know I want to be afforded that freedom. Relationships are not supposed to be a prison sentence, they are voluntary mutual agreements.
That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying she’s gone through a lot of shit with this guy and if this is how she wants to end things, then it’s understandable. How is anything she’s done counted as harrassment? She hasn’t contacted him in any way. You seem to be generalizing all people who get dumped as clingy or something.
As I said, I can relate to wanting to do it. But actually doing it is a whole nother level.
How will it affect him if he finds out? He might not care. He might be racked by guilt for the rest of his days.
My point is: if you cannot accept that someone has chosen to leave you, and want to get back at them for it, then you are not really mature enough to be in a relationship in the first place.
And I say this as someone who doubts myself whether I am mature enough for it.
You can’t force somebody to like you.
You cannot dictate how another person should feel.
It’s incredibly selfish and inconsiderate to expect another person to be miserable just so you won’t be alone. (It seems clingy and possessive, too).
Again. As I specified before, it isn’t about making someone like you. This guy seems to have put her though a lot of crap and unhappiness. All I’m saying is that if he caused her all that and then up and leaves, and this is what she wants to do, then it’s understandable. She loved him even though he put her though shit, then he leaves without a word. Is she supposed to be happy about that?
There are two sides to every story, and the guy has his reasons for leaving her. It’s awfully one-sided to paint the guy as the villain when we don’t have the full story.
People break up, relationships fail. That’s part of the human experience. “Instead of crying because it’s over, smile because it happened”. – Dr. Suess
Isn’t that we all do here? We share our side of the story? I mean none of us go and drag ppl on here for them to explain their side. Everyone who’s one here talks about their reasons for feeling like crap and we go with it. Since when have people on here questioned the truth of people’s experiences?
Seeing things through other people’s eyes can often provide insight as to why they did what they did. Instead of taking a hard line stance on one side of the issue, listen to both sides then make up your mind.
The guy left. I’m sure he had his reasons. Should he have stayed in a relationship he didn’t want to be a part of anymore? Should he sacrifice his happiness to please someone who makes him miserable? Of course not.
The “truth” can vary depending on who you talk to. Expressing an opinion isn’t sharing a “truth”. A person’s beliefs might be “true” inside of their mind, but that doesn’t mean their “truth” is correct outside of their imagination. Opinions, feelings and beliefs aren’t factual “truths” unless they’ve been verified as such after rigorous analysis, scrutiny, and verifiable proof.
But hey, that’s just my opinion.
The “truth” is what actually happened in a situation. I’m sure we’d be looking at that guys side of the story if he was on this site talking about wanting to kill himself. But he’s not here, I’m not attacking or defending anyone.
Again, can’t believe I have to keep trying to explain, we heard what happened from this persons point of view. She’s talking about things that happened to her, the reason she’s on this site. Is she tellin g the truth? I don’t know, does it matter? Obviously something really fucked up happened to make her want to kill herself. This site isn’t here to fact check people. It’s here to get people together and talk about their issues. But here you are saying, hey, the guy left so she must be at fault. Yeah, that’s gonna get her to change her mind about suicide
Wrong. I never made the assumption that she’s at fault. I also did not speculate about how long they’ve been together or what underlying issues may have been present.
A cop can ask 10 different witnesses what happened at the scene of a crime and get 10 different versions of the event. I agree that “the truth is what actually happened”, but the objective, unbiased truth isn’t what always comes out. What’s told is the “truth” according to the story teller.
Yes, she wants to kill herself because her ex left. That’s sad. She wants to do it on his birthday, which sounds vindictive. She wants him to feel regret because he was able to move forward with his life and she can’t. That’s just not very nice.
You sound very young, maddie-kay. Have a nice day.
I’m in my 20s. Which isn’t the point. Again, why do we need to know the whole story when this site is for venting? I’ve said this multiple times, I don’t understand why you keep repeating yourself. Obviously other things happened, but if you keep insisting that shes only doing this to be vindictive, youre an asshole. He treated her like crap, and he leaves. Alot of people find it hard to get over that shit, and youre calling her a bad person for that?
And no one’s speculating about the length of her relationship, she mentioned the length of time in another post. And again, for God’s sake, since when have we fact checked peoples story’s on this site? We aren’t investigating people, we’re supposed to be here for support. Not dragging people through the mud because you don’t agree with them and you think they’re lying or witholding info. If you wanna criticize people, keep that shit to yourself
“Alot” isn’t a word. “A lot” however is a proper term. (I can’t respect people who have a tenuous grasp of the English language. Sorry).
Who said this site was for venting? A failed English major? Excuse me while I fart.
I keep repeating myself because I’m mistakenly hoping you can comprehend a perspective that differs from yours. This is obviously not the case.
“Obviously other things happened”. Where’s your evidence to support that assertion?
Then you resort to Ad Hominen attacks, calling me an asshole because I don’t buy every sad story I read. *smh* You poor thing.
I hope that someday you develop the ability to think clearly, objectively, and reasonably. It’ll be a long road for you but I hope you make it.
Oh poor baby. Having a fit because I forgot a space.
This is “a space to share your story with others”. I mean, that’s what this site is, according to the rules page. But hey, I apparently don’t understand English. What do I know
She’s probably feeling like the last 15 years of her life was all for nothing. You’re telling me it’s wrong to feel suicidal after that?
There is nothing wrong with her feelings.
There is nothing wrong with fantasizing about these things. It is actually doing it, and hurting another person because you are hurting that is f***ed up.
So let us just hope it remains a fantasy.
How is that fucked up? He treated her badly and left. Now she feels terrible and wants him to feel bad too. I’m sure there are other reasons why she’s doing it too, but wasting 15 years of someone’s life is pretty fucked up
If he is such an asshole, he will not give a rat’s ass that she kills herself.
The people who miss you after you are gone are the ones that treated you right while you were here, not the others. The harsh truth is that they might shrug and be a little sad, but then they will forget about it and move on.
How would I feel if an ex committed suicide: “Oh, geez. That’s very sad.” I might shed a few tears (if they were a more recent ex). However, the thing is, if they’re my ex it means they’re out of my life. Their decisions no longer affect me. So would I think that an ex’s suicide had anything to do with me? No. If they wrote a note saying, “This is your fault, Neph”…? Well, it wouldn’t make me feel much different, because I can’t control the actions of anyone but myself.
There are other types of people out there who really don’t care when their exes kill themselves… They just continue on meeting new love interests and attempting to destroy their lives as well.
As for a normal, average person who did love you once but grew apart over the course of 15 years, which is something that tends to happen, they might be shocked and saddened, but likely won’t attribute the suicide to themselves. They’ll just say to themselves, “I guess she kinda lost it. She must have had mental health issues. That’s a shame.”
There’s no winning here, really.
Of course there’s no winning. Either she’s dead or she’ll go through “years of lonliness”. Guys, I’m sure there are other factors, but that’s what she’s decided to share. Also, I mean, she’s planning to do it on his birthday. That seems pretty likely that he’ll figure its his fault.
She should only kill herself if she truly thinks that life isn’t worth living for her, and not for her ex’s sake. It’s rare that relationships last a lifetime.
Romantic relationships are only worth it if you accept that they are temporary, and make the most out of the time that you do share. If you think you’re going to live to old age and die with the other person beside you, you’ll probably be disappointed.
Again, pretty sure she has other reasons. Most people have a few. This is what she decided to share
Having read up on it, he seems to have pulled quite the dick move.
This woman is worthy of more. Of a better guy, seriously. Or whatever else she wants.
It seems desperately sad to kill yourself over him.
I would still say that however hard, try to treasure the good times and move on, do things that are meaningful to you.
I mean, the tiny small things are still meaningful. If you give them room to breathe. A summer shower. Coffee with a friend. Or whatever floats your boat.
And of course, she’ll never know if he cares or not. She’ll be dead
I’m sorry about your breakup. I have been rejected as well and it really hurts. The last guy I was with was still in love with his ex. I liked the guy and wanted to be with him, so him telling me that he “felt like they were one person” when he’d touched her wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear. He’d look at her with this tortured gaze every time he saw her. After a while and a struggle with my self-esteem, I finally realized it just wasn’t meant to be for us. It takes time to heal and a belief in yourself that you deserve to be happy. Please don’t kill yourself over a guy who is careless.
We were together 15 years folks. To those of you who don’t know me, want to talk trash about me, and don’t have a clue as to what what went on in my relationship, BUTT OUT! Thanks Maddie Kay, Bright Side, and the others for at least trying to understand.
I have had NO contact with him, so I’m not forcing him to try to be with me. I’m not laying any kind of guilt trip on him. I’m not clinging to him. He made the choice to leave, he has moved on without me. I’m doing NOTHING to try and change his mind. That being said, what I plan to do is for ME! The sadness and the loss is not something I want to face the rest of my life.
Everyone has free will to leave if they are unhappy in their relationship, I know that. Was I the perfect partner? No. Was he guilt free of any wrong doing in our relationship? No. There are 2 sides to every story, yes, but I was willing to work on what was wrong, HE WASN’T! Fifteen years is a long time to invest into being with someone just to have them turn their back on you and walk away. THAT’S the reality I just don’t want to live with the rest of my life! I stood by him when he had nothing, I supported him when he was between jobs, or couldn’t work because of medical reasons, and then I took care of him also. Do I deserve a medal? No, because that’s part of loving someone and being in a relationship.
As far as me making him feel guilty, give me a break! The man doesn’t love me so how is it supposed to make him feel guilty?!? I’m not going to contact him before to let him know or have anyone do it afterwards. He isn’t going to be checking up on me later on, so as far as him not caring, HE’S NOT GOING TO KNOW!
Relationships begin and many end, but when you get to be my age, it just wears you down. I don’t want to start over, but I don’t want to live my life alone. THAT is the reason for what I’m going to do. It has zero to do with this man that is no longer in my life!
Special2No1,
yep not fun, i went through 2 12 relationship, and several girlfriends, and i hate being alone too, let’s just hope you run into another and start over again, it is kind off neat starting over, new interest, blah blah, i also lost a good 19 year job once, that was worse than the relationships!!! there’s nothing good about it, but my advice is to try to not think about it so much don’t let life turn you bitter, and give some else a chance that’s lonely like you and help each other. i’m not going to say good idea because i didn’t do that and i’d be a hypocrite.
How did you handle the loss of that 19 year job, rocketman?
Thanks rocketman.
I really don’t want another relationship. The damage is done and I don’t think I could trust any guy enough to put my heart out there again.I just have to much emotional bs going on inside me.
I know what I have to do and I’m just taking care of things first so my family doesn’t have to deal with it after I’m gone.
My one hope is that anyone who reads this, if you know of someone who is contemplating suicide, please don’t bash them or tear them down. It might just be that one word or action that pushes them to follow through. Thanks.