I’m a 15 year old kid, and for the past 4 years or so I’ve noticed the deterioration of my happiness and overall satisfaction in life. I’ve also seen a new depression seep it’s way into my life. It’s always there, sometimes stronger than others, but it’s never really gone. The only way I’ve managed to ignore it is through my hobbies, video games, anime, and listening to music. Although these things have also been one of the main causes for me having to face my depression, because while I can ignore it for a time, when it comes back it hits hard. All these things keep me going because they show me a world with real colors, emotions and purpose. Then when it’s over or I just stop for a while, I’m forced to confront just how grey my life really is, how much the colors have receded.
People always say that it will be better, that while it may seem like nothing changes from day to day, if you look back it will be a world of difference. But for the past four years it’s been nothing but the same, and anything before that seems to have only changed for the worse. I’ve lost friends, grown away from family, and I’m damn near hopeless of ever finding love.
What friends I have left, what little happiness, even if temporary, the imaginations and dreams displayed through the shows I watch and the music I listen to, and the slightest hope that there might be someone out there who’d want to love a broken boy, that’s about the only thing that keeps me going anymore. I don’t know how much longer it can though, God I just hope it’s enough.
4 comments
I don’t have the words to tell you just how much I know what you mean. Everything you wrote is me, except I’m a girl. My mom tried counciling. That didn’t work though because no matter how much I want to, some part of my brain won’t let me open up to anybody. Are there any other ways to cope?
I’m sorry your life is like this. I wish you the best of luck, and just know you’re not unlovable by any means, NO ONE is. You just haven’t found the right people yet
im 16, and i feel the same way you do. i feel as if i am unlovable because of the things in my life that dragged me down. in fact, im still dragged down, ive just tried to grab back on recently. ive lost interest in anything that i used to love to do, and it breaks my heart because i always think i can do better but i never do. i dont know what else to tell you, but know that you arent alone, and im always up for a chat.
Thanks for the support guys, it really does help. Honestly I’m really glad I found this website, I’ve got plenty of places to vent but here I can see so many peoples troubles. In a way it’s horrible seeing some of the pain people go through, but it’s also just a reminder that I’m not only and the hope that I might just be able to really help someone one day