I’ve noticed that people who cut have different reasons behind it. Maybe that’s why no psychologist can help them to completely stop, because they assume a reason behind it and they don’t really care if it’s true. Scars have different meanings for everybody, so now I’m asking you what do they really mean to you?
For me, my scars represent I’m fighting and surviving. That the pain isn’t just inside my head.
Have a lovely night.
6 comments
I was always afraid of feeling numb. With everything I have been through and how much goes through my mind, sometimes I just shut down and I have no emotions.
I am a victim of every kind of abuse but the physical was always the worst so I was so used to being in pain. And now as I am trying to heal my inner turmoil is worse. I cut to center myself and to make the pain on the outside rival the pain I feel on the inside.
My scars, self inflicted or not, are my battle scars. They remind me that I am a fighter.
When I look at my scars I see something that confirms how much of an ugly freak I am. A lot of my cuts do tend to be due to wanting to be more of an ugly freak on the outside…. Like I want my body to match who I am so nobody will ever love me…. I tend to tell my counselor that I do it because I get anxious, which yes it does sort of help with anxiety, but most of my cutting happens when I am mad at myself.
My scars remind me of what I’ve been through, and since I’ve nearly stopped cutting and bruising myself now, I can look at them and remind myself how strong I was to stop. How strong I was to push through that difficulty. It hurt me a lot mentally to start cutting myself, because I don’t hate myself, I just wanted something to numb the pain everyone was giving me. I self harmed because the pain made me feel still alive, away from the pain of being unnoticed and invisible. Also because of all the bullying and abuse I’ve been through, it seemed normal for me to cut in a way, because they were all teaming up against me, so I joined their side for a time to see what it felt like.
For me, cutting was something that numbed my whole body… When I was angry and hurt, cutting took over that feeling of anger or hurt and turned it into numbess..and I found myself kind of drunkly smiling .. I liked to see the blood drip down my arm… It became a habit at one stage where I’d do it every night before I slept… I loved the feeling it gave me… Adrenaline
For my friend, she said she did it to see if she was still alive…
I mostly used it as a punishment mechanism, although it had a little of the numbing effect. Someone else punishing me for me screwing up doesn’t feel like justice, it just feels like a natural consequence. But that’s not enough to atone for messing up. So I cut. Well, I’ve stopped for like a month now, but I really deserve it now more than ever.
I don’t agree that no psychologist will try to understand why or never help us. My psychologist and I have talked about it a lot and I find it helpful, and she’s not trying to assume a random reason.
Just wanted to say: thank you for replying!! I really loved reading each one of your comments. I feel like I know a little more of you. Maybe that’s bad, but you truly are great people, never forget that <3