I’m a failure. I can’t do anything right.
I’m studying a career I don’t understand a thing of. My grades are low, just a little above the 50%. Everybody here knows a hell lot more than me and professors always assume everybody is as brilliant as them so they teach at a really fast pace.
I’m so slow and dumb. I feel so tired everyday, so dead inside. The things I like hurt me because they’re so great and beautiful, and I’m not worthy of them. I don’t even know a lot about them because I’m forced to focus on the things I hate.
I don’t know if I really can pursue that scholarship to Japan because I’m so dumb! I’ll fail the exams.
Anyway, I already have the documents so I guess I’ll just try, even if failure hurts so much.
If I don’t get it, I guess it’s just to survive until next year. Then it’ll be over, I’ll finally be free.
4 comments
You are so much more than your grades. You are so much more valuable than a piece of paper.
Think about what you bring to the world; I am sure there are people out there for whom you bring happiness and joy, even if you aren’t aware of it.
We think everyone else has it together – as if they have somehow garnered the secrets to life. But I am sure there are people in your class struggling just as you are.
I can’t say I fully understand what you’re feeling; you sound like you’re in a really dark place. But I feel the same way, and really feel trapped by a system that seems to place priority on exams and scoring rather than what makes us truly human. But what I often try to remember is that there is a life beyond this. Whether we manage to get the next scholarship or not, our lives are worth so much more than that.
I really hope you will be able to see yourself as you really are – not just a mess of grading and applications, but as someone who can truly contribute to this world.
Thank you. I’ve always thought that the world is so much more than just my grades. But my parents don’t agree with me.
That’s why I’m trying to get the scholarship. I need to get away from them, from that damned career. I’ll be free there, studying what I really love.
But I just can’t endure more abuse from them, I’m tired.
I once thought of school as my only way out but there are alternatives. Look outside the traditional subjects and do some exploratory of yourself like what are your passions and/or what you’re good at. I always liked art and photography but went a traditional school route in science but hated it. Now, I do photography and I’m happy. My family doesn’t agree but I started to live for myself not to please anyone else anymore. With that being said, look inside yourself and do what you love.
I’m doing it! I’m trying to get that scholarship because I want to study there what I love: languages! Especially japanese!
But I need the scholarship because I have to get away from my parents. They’ll torture me if I lower my grades here (which I’m already doing but they don’t know yet), or if I change my current field of study. And yes, I’m being serious.
If I stay here I’m doomed.