Fighting

No matter what I do or how hard I try my view of the world will never change. And that’s what causes the depression in the first place. I think that living is pointless. I think everything we do leads to nothing and that everyone leads to nothing. That’s what I think about every time I open my eyes. My boyfriend is normal though. He can wake up everyday and find a reason to fight through, it’s simple for him. He can focus on living his life and not on living in general. All I like to do is help people. But how can I get satisfaction from that if I think everything has no reason anyone. So yes I help everyone in the world and then we all die anyway. And most people don’t deserve my help anyway…Another reason it’s all so dark for me is my logic. I’m logical as fuck, it’s scary. We work our whole lives to make money for homes, cars, clothing, food blah blah blah. It’s all overly expensive, we don’t need most of it, and none of it makes us happy. It’s depressing. We waste our lives, which are a waste of time. I don’t know how my boyfriend lucked out and doesn’t experience this. And it’s not the “well you don’t know if he’s experiencing it maybe everyone is” situation. He doesn’t have this, he is content with the idea of living for 90 years and doesn’t really concern himself with this stuff. If it weren’t for me he would’ve never dwelled. So why me? I’m fighting to stay here for him, but even then what’s the point. My logic won’t allow me to live a lie, and it seems like that’s the only way to live.