Dreams are so cruel sometimes, especially when you have a really good dream and you wake up from it. Me, for example, I am struggling with my sexuality. I’m a closeted bi-sexual and I often fantasize about being with a girl. One who I would not be afraid to be with, one that I would gladly spend the rest of my life figuring out ways to make them smile. But then, I wake up. I’m back to the hell of reality. I live in a verbally (previously physically abusive home). I do not have a driver’s license because I have grown up in a home full of road rage that I get anxiety behind the wheel. I work full-time but still trying to save up to move out and I hate living at home. Everything I do is wrong at home and when things blow over, I’m supposed to act like nothing happened. I’m afraid to be happy and any feelings I do have are not validated, ever. I don’t want to burden my friends with my drama and any family that knows, doesn’t seem to care. Every night I say a prayer but then make a secret wish that maybe one morning I won’t wake up anymore. Maybe I’ll be in a dream, and it will stay that way…I wish someone could hear me…
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3 comments
Get out of there, all you need is a door.
You say Bi, based on your post I assume you are female. Find that amazing girl! In the past year I attended the “gay” wedding of my cousin. My favorite part was a tree you could water in support. Comprised of soil from both of their homes. It was special and amazing. Her parents (and her extended family) are extremely religious. Many did not attend (Her father and brother, for example). It was such a great ceremony. They are so happy. Don’t let your families bias stand in your way.
I hear you. For different reasons, in my teens, I used to ask God every night not to allow me to wake up the next day. I wanted to die, disappear, not be.
Many more evolved and sensitive humans feel that way because present society is closed to us. We cannot handle the violence.
Yeah I pray for the day where I can go to sleep at night and not wake up.
I have lived for 44 years on this planet and feel like its been enough time here. My life has been really hard and difficult. I often wonder why I even go on.
So I fully understand your desire to not have to wake up in this world another day. I truly do understand it.