So here I am … still.
Everything is the same. Nothing has changed. I am still scared, anxious, afraid of the things that might come due to my stupidity, ignorance, and impulsiveness.
I have everything ready. Just need to find the opportunity and the energy to do it. Even plotting the end seems like too much work. It is terrible. I keep procrastinating and waiting for some sort of stupid sign from somewhere about what to do.
Then today, somehow, I stumbled on this page about near death experiences. I don’t know why I bothered reading the stuff on there, but I did. People talk about it being heavenly, peaceful, calm, frightening, or hellish. And now I am wondering about what there is … afterwards.
Any thoughts or comments on this will be appreciated.
Thanks …
5 comments
You should watch the documentary “Life after Life” . After watching it, it completely changed my view towards NDE. You can find it easily on youtube. Just type in: life after life – raymond moody.
Make sure to watch it without skipping parts of it 😉
Killing yourself (dying) is neither good nor bad, it depends on your circumstances if you need to go or stay. You know the best. I know God would understand if I did it and I know I wouldn’t be the only one who did it so I wouldn’t be alone, ever, wherever I go. Yes you can be sure that you will still see , feel, be alive, after you die. A friend of a friend took some kind of drug and he could see himself outside of his body. He sat on the chair facing the couch where his body was sleeping. So he was outside of his body, sitting on the chair opposite the sofa watching his body sleeping. I laughed when hearing this but it’s true and I still think it is funny. It is a funny situation do you not agree? Yes we don’t just disappear. I hope I answered your question.
I have had a few near death experiences, one (intentional overdose multiple bottles of heavy narcotics + 750 ml alcohol + promethazine to prevent vomiting/ charcoal) I felt absolutely nothing. I can say this though, had I not been revived I would have passed away without pain it would have been a simple event-less blackout, but I was found and spent a few days on life support in the ICU. Waking up from that was possibly one of the most horrifying things I have ever experienced, it’s strange what happens to your brain chemistry when you’re convinced you’re dying upon waking up, but falling harshly in and out of consciousness, thinking each subsequent blackout is your death. In my experience every shred of misery goes out the window as you desperately cling onto life.
I also tried to hang myself, and the rope I used broke. However oxygen had been cut off long enough for me to lose a sense of sentience amidst my blackout, and it was not beautiful, it was fucking terrifying.
I have experienced nothing but absolutely violent terrifying experiences when near to death, and I am certain many people here can second that notion. Understand that when you watch those “documentaries” on near death experience that you’re viewing something to help cater to the human fascination with death. The programs and interviews you see were specially designed to keep you interested.
There is nothing pretty about death, I don’t think death can really be enjoyable, and even if it is after you make it past all of the horrifying violence precipitated by your method you’re really not going to remember it (once it’s over you’re fucking dead brobro). Death is never beautiful or awe inspiring to the person who finds your body either.
just my 2 cents
The night my father cut his wrists and died, I and my uncle who lives a mile away from my home, stood up at LITERALLY the same time, which was around 1:15 am, and went to the bathroom and stood there in front of the mirror, utterly senseless, with no urge to use the toilet!
So, I’m sure that in his last moments, my father was thinking of us, and even sort of communicated with us.