I was telling someone on sp awhile back that I’ve gone from being computer-illiterate to having a desktop, then a laptop, then a tablet, then a smartphone.
I said in about 5 years (if I’m still around) there will probably be technology where they can shoot a chip up my nose and lodge it in my brain and I can send email just by thinking about it.
That could make for some awkward moments before we learned to separate the normal train-of-thought stuff from the email message.
“Dear Susie,
(It is way too hot in here and I forgot deodorant this morning.) Hi, how are you? I had a good time at our date last Friday. (Though I still can’t believe you ordered lobster and still didn’t put out. WTF.) So I was hoping we could go see a movie sometime, and (dammit, that itches. Is that a rash? I should probably get that checked out.) and maybe we could get a burger afterward. (A CHEAP burger at a place where they don’t serve any goddamn lobster.)
I hope to hear from you soon. (Unless you’re back to dating Cody again, in which case I hope you both drop dead.)
Regards, Matt.”
…
“Dear Matt:
Friday was nice! (Except for the part where you were a stingy bastard who gave me the evil eye for ordering lobster). (And the part where you kept scratching yourself. You might want to get that checked out. I swear, nobody’s going to want to sleep with you until you get rid of that rash.) We can go to a movie if you want, but I don’t think anything good is playing right now. (Except for that awesome one which Cody and I are going to see tonight. I hope he remembers to pack condoms this time. And not those damn ribbed ones. It’s like screwing a rumble strip on the highway. Hell.)
Keep in touch. I’ll see you at work on Tuesday.
Your friend, Susie.”
…
“Dear Matt:
Can’t make it to the game tonight, something came up, (Literally. Heh. Hope Susie likes these new ribbed condoms I bought.)
Later. Cody.”
…
“Dear Cody:
Drop dead. (Drop dead).
– – Matt.
…
Anyway, think of what kind of posts we could write here at SP if all we had to do was think of the way we felt.
It would be so much easier to express all the depression and darkness and angst.
Just don’t think about scratching where it itches.
34 comments
Dear Cordless,
I have plenty of spare time on my hands so I thought I would come and hang out on SP for a while (I had better hurry up and type this before my boss catches me). This is one of the funniest and cleverest things I have read on here (is cleverest a word? Or most clever?). Reading funny things lifts my spirits and makes me appreciate life more (I hope I get struck by lightning on the way home).
You’re really cool (you’re really cool).
-mysterious
Yay!
As far as I’m concerned, cleverest is totally a word.
Nicely done. I would love to have a reason to send such honest emails!
Just imagine all the spam we would get if all people had to do was THINK about sending spam!
😮
I think we evolved with a “filter” that prevents us from blurting out our undiluted thoughts. (Although that filter does malfunction occasionally). How would people’s raw, unfiltered thoughts fare after being broadcast publicly? Not so well, I suspect.
True Morris but it is rather fun to think of regardless.
If that’s true, I think my filter broke a long time ago…
Honestly, I would love to see Donald Trump’s thoughts. I bet they would be hilarious!
@Morris: I swear these days your avatar changes more often than your underwear.
(It’s ok. I do the same thing sometimes.)
@whispers: Very! 🙂
@zetsumei: OMG. He has thoughts? 😮
I’ll keep this avatar for a while. The risqué ones were found to be offensive by some.
Hopefully a picture of outer space isn’t too controversial, insensitive or triggering.
I dunno; outer space does have a lot of black holes.
They’re really good at sucking things into them.
And OMG, that supernova seems ready to blow…
Look! The Milky Way!
(I apologize. Sort of.)
fantastic post!!!! only you come up with funny shit like this!!! 🙂
As long as my mind is warped, I might as well enjoy it.
I’m certain I have read an article of someone trying to chip themselves to be able to interact with certain electronics…. That was a few years ago back when neural input devices sucked so I doubt it really worked out to do much…. But just so you know neural input devices do actually exist, I’m not certain about how well they work or how commercially available they are though.
It has begun…!
I once read a science fiction short story where this couple shot chips up their noses in order to permanently lock in their love for each other. The side effect was that it also locked in all of their insecurities.
I’d settle for a chip which would help me remember all my Internet passwords.
piece of paper that’s well hidden will help with that…. I find outlets to be great little hiding spots.
Note to self: write passwords on strip of aluminum foil and stick it in an electrical outlet.
Noes…. aluminum foil is hard to read off of -_-
And I meant take the front panel off of the outlet and hide it in the little box that the outlet rests in (don’t know the name for that) and then of course put the front panel back on.
NOW you tell me….
Is my hair still standing on end?
I’m sorry I should have led to that…. And just a little bit…. Don’t worry it still looks somewhat okay :/
Although I’m sort of curious, I tend to type a lot faster than I can think of complete words (Typing is less mentally taxing for me than speaking and reading) So would a thing like that actually slow me down considerably?
You can now get microchips in your hands so you can open your door without a key. It’s not approved yet, so is not covered if you have any adverse reactions. But… so it begins.
You can also do your own magnet implants, that’s always something that has interested me.
Oh ok.. what are they used for?
Ummmm nothing very useful, from the videos I’ve watched of people doing it normally it just seems they can feel magnetic fields, electricity flowing threw wires, and are able to feel if something is made out of a magnetic material (ferromagnetic). They can feel those because they either pull on the magnet, or cause the magnet to vibrate (in the case of electricity) one even claimed to be able to tell which direction was north, but he did put a fairly sizable magnet in his finger…. Normally they place the magnet in their a finger tip, often the ring finger of their non-dominate hand. So while none of that is actually very useful really, I still think it would be cool as it does sort of add another sense.
Sort of like a super power 🙂
But strangely enough I really am uncertain I would be able to cut my finger tip deep enough to shove a magnet in there…. Something has always bothered me about cutting my fingers :/ Then I would have to stitch it up and what have you, and I don’t know how to sew (I hate that that word is spelled that way, it just doesn’t make sense…. Also I that “that that” is actually the correct way to express that thought too…. and I hate the previous sentence too with three that’s in a row in it -_- )
yeah you basically become a super hero/villain…. ^_^
Magnet implants are for when you want to spend the rest of your life stuck to the front of the refrigerator.
It’s a good life; there are pizza coupons near your right armpit.
That’s when you know you’ve gone too far with your magnet implants…. Time for rehab then.
That settles it – I want to be reincarnated as a refrigerator magnet.
Magnets in your fingertips would allow you to do some cool magic tricks.
You could say “come to me, key”, then point at a key and make it slide across a table top towards you.