So I managed to get a job a few months ago but I lost it last month. They didn’t fire me directly but told me they won’t be extending my contract and even though I had over a month still left, they told me to hand in my security card and leave the building. That is pretty much getting fired. My 1st job ended in failure. I actually did a good job, I tried my best and even worked over time to make a better impression.
So how did I not get to keep the job? Well if you are reading this, then I assume you too suffer from depression, to one degree or the other. I’ve had chronic depression my whole life. I couldn’t fucking shake that depression about 2 months into the job (I worked there 4 months). It hit me out of no where, I was feeling like my life was finally making a turn for the better but then bam, reality came back. I found my self hating the job and wishing to drive into on coming traffic on the way to and from work. I felt that familiar feeling of worthlessness and nothing I could do would give me a reprieve from my despair. I really did hate the job but it was not a bad job, hell I’m sure it would be considered an astounding opportunity for someone else. When I handed in my security card, I left the building with not even a good bye. Despite my depression, I did everything they asked and more. The people at work were not very friendly to me but I don’t care about such things, I just wanted a job so I could become more human and escape my present life style. I guess my anti-social nature made them not want to talk to me, since the last thing I was working on at work was creating a scrollable container in rxjs. I remember asking a few of the other developers how to code for infinite scrolling (since it would be scrolling for an undetermined amount of data). The look in their eyes when I asked, told me that I was an apparent “idiot” for asking them. I never got help but before I could figure it out on my own, I was sacked.
So I’m jobless again and I feel like a worthless meat bag…again. I wouldn’t recommend 100% bullshiting your way into a job like I did but I can say that I would never of been hired if I was honest. I feel unhirable but I might have to try bullshiting my self into a job again since I don’t think I will get one if I don’t.
I’ve started a Unity developer course which I’m very exited about but maintaining a strong enough spirit to go the distance is my biggest obstacle.
Has any one else gone through the feeling of being unemployable? How did you deal with it?
I hope you all continue to fight the good fight
4 comments
The reason why people work is to get paid. Seriously, how many people have you met that say ‘I love my job so much I’d do it even if no one paid me”.
No. That only happens in fantasy land. Everyone else hates their fucking job. Life costs money, and people work in order to earn enough to stay alive and pay the bills.
Being in a serious accident and being lucky that I didn’t hurt myself at all in the process, it’s not something I’d wish on anyone. I wrecked my means of transporation, to the point of it being undrivable.. 90 percent of the time you wouldn’t die anyway, you’d just wind up wrecking your means of transport…
The closest thing to a ‘real Job’ i’ve ever had was working for some nature-preservation-office.
It was really okay, we went to areas with rare flowers and plucked out every common plant that they didn’t deem protectionworthy, so the rare plants had a better chance to survive.
I guess any Job involving walking into a fugly concrete building every day to only work for a company i don’t care for or hate would destroy me.
I’m on the job hunt right now and of course I had to place a few white lies on my resume to be considered for something. I spent my teenage years depressed and severely anxious so my education is non-existent and my work history is as well.
Right now I had to adopt a “who gives a fuck” attitude in order to not feel so ashamed and portray myself as confident when my self-esteem is at -100%.
Agh, apologies, I’m blabbing about myself. What Morris said is the cold truth and it truly does suck. Your co-workers sound like a-holes but a lot of people seem to have an “every man/woman for themselves” attitude nowadays. The majority of worker’s first jobs are never great/didn’t end well so don’t beat yourself up. As long as you did your best and worked hard you should feel proud.