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So a lot has happened since i last posted. My relationship has gotten a lot better. He’s a lot more understanding but, I still hide stuff, nothing bad…well kinda bad. I hide how bad my anxiety is but i do that with everyone not just him. But he doesn’t know that I’ve tried to commit suicide or that I’ve cut, and relapsed 2 weeks ago but haven’t since. He also doesn’t know how often i get anxiety attacks. He recently saw a small one but i  labeled it as an asthma attack, which i get often. I got an anxiety attack because me and my friends, including him, wanted to climb this wall, but i have a pretty big fear of heights especially coming back down. So i started to get really scared before climbing it and hyperventilating and he actually took it very well. He didn’t freak out. He grabbed face, one hand per cheek and just looked me in he eyes and breathed with me.

I was happy with the way he took the attack but I’m still not ready to share more with him. There’s a lot of things he doesn’t know about me. But a lot of people don’t know me. Even my closest friends. It’s not that i don’t trust them it’s that everyone i know hasn’t been through what I’ve been through and i don’t want to scare them with what I’ve been through and i don’t want anymore generic responses, like “everything is okay” or “I’m glad you got through it.” I need something real someone to tell me what they really think i don’t want them to have a filter.