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do you have faith?

by They Call Me Amy

So, do you have faith? I wanna know. Like, do you believe in God or something?

I’ve just cut my leg after being almost 1 year free of SH. I’ve been trying to hold on this past month, because it was hard, but today I’ve just broke down.

I used to be a person who had faith in God, like c’mon, I am almost 21 and I haven’t had sex yet because of church. I did everything that a nice person and a religious one would do, but everything in my life doesn’t go the way it should. Everyday I get more frustrated, sad and suicidal. It has been like that for 5 freakin’ years.

Today my doctor told me that I have an anatomical deformation in my ear, and because of that I am not able to listen to the sounds of my stethoscope. And I am 100% sure that I won’t be able to finish med school because of that. I am on my third year of med school, in my country you have to study 6 years, so I am in the middle of it. Let’s be realistic, who would go to a doctor that can’t listen to a heartbeat? And did I mention I wanted to be a cardiologist? Yeah.
I have a million health and mental problems, but I held on to my dream so I could beat those demons of my past (and present). And now that I am unable to accomplish my dream, everything seems useless.

I guess suicide is the answer. It has always been.

 

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12 comments

distant.road 9/23/2016 - 5:22 pm

Your June 6th post offered sixteen reasons that suicide isn’t the answer.

I’m sorry about your medical diagnosis and I can only imagine how much the news hurts. At the same time, you seem to have a really good head on your shoulders. Without a doubt, you can move forward from this.

To answer your question, I do believe that God exists. My walk with God and my spiritual path have suffered over the past several years as things in my life spiraled downward. I don’t blame God for that; I blame myself. At some point, I’d like to re-establish the spiritual walk.

They Call Me Amy 9/27/2016 - 4:49 pm

That is true, I forgot about that post! Thank you for your kind words! Have a nice week 🙂

Wolfenstein626 9/23/2016 - 7:53 pm

I have come to believe in an energy force I can connect with, it is my source of inspiration, strength, and hope. Some call it god, but I feel there is too much baggage attached to the word god for myself so I choose to call it my higher self. It has been called many things through the ages, but the idea of the Tao is the closest to my personal beliefs. I do not believe in organized religion, never have and never will. I believe that religion was started with pure intentions but somewhere along the way became corrupted.

They Call Me Amy 9/27/2016 - 4:51 pm

That is a nice way of thinking, very inspiring. And I agree that religion just turned into a religious mess! Thanks for taking you time to reply!

Huston23 9/23/2016 - 11:28 pm

There’s no such thing as a god.

TerribleLife 9/24/2016 - 4:57 am

True..

waywardponders 9/24/2016 - 2:15 am

I lost my faith in God as a teen because of all the trauma and suffering I endured growing up and I felt like God had given up on me. Now at thirty seven I have re found my faith. The time between loosing my faith and finding it has been more painful and difficult then the worse times I experienced believing and trusting in God.

Feeling like you’ve lost your hopes, dreams and purpose in life is horribly painful. You begin see the worst in situations and your mind tells you there is no reason to go one. Then it becomes hard to see reality and the truth.

Let me ask, has anyone told you that you can’t be a doctor? Have you discussed your situation with a teacher or a doctor? What other options are there in the medical field if you can’t be a MD and cardiologist?

Sounds to me like your jumping to conclusions and assuming the worst. Take some time to relax, catch your breath and get your footing. Next, talk to someone, get some information and facts then review your options. There are a lot of steps to be taken before getting to suicide.

They Call Me Amy 9/27/2016 - 4:55 pm

Thank you so much for the kind words, it seems that re founding God is very hard, and I want to give it a try again, and you gave me some hope.

I haven’t talked to any of my teachers yet because they like to treat us like garbage, so I’m scared, but I will look for the nicest one of them to discuss about it.

Have a nice week and thanks again 🙂

Still wandering 9/24/2016 - 4:51 am

I have complete faith in darkness.
Sorry. I know not inspiring or helping.

They Call Me Amy 9/27/2016 - 4:58 pm

Thanks anyways, don’t worry 🙂

Still wandering 9/24/2016 - 5:01 am

Hmmmmmmm. …
(Deep sighs….)

Hmmm. .. Well… I am agnostic. I am not sure there is god or not. And I think, may be most of people are agnostics.

So.. I can’t say anything about that kind of faith.

But having faith in yourself is good.
Having Hope Is Excellent.

Right now things are not happening as you planned + you are facing many obstacles.
But try harder.
May be you will have your answers.

And suicide is not an answer.
I know life is hard and sometimes it’s cruel.
But it is also beautiful.

So.. just hang in there. Try harder.
May be in future, things will turn out as you plan and probably you will have few nice surprises from life. 🙂

Peace & Happiness For You. 🙂

They Call Me Amy 9/27/2016 - 5:00 pm

Thank you, I also thing that faith in yourself is an amazing thing.
I hope I can find the beauty in life again.
Thanks again and have a nice week! 🙂

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