So, do you have faith? I wanna know. Like, do you believe in God or something?
I’ve just cut my leg after being almost 1 year free of SH. I’ve been trying to hold on this past month, because it was hard, but today I’ve just broke down.
I used to be a person who had faith in God, like c’mon, I am almost 21 and I haven’t had sex yet because of church. I did everything that a nice person and a religious one would do, but everything in my life doesn’t go the way it should. Everyday I get more frustrated, sad and suicidal. It has been like that for 5 freakin’ years.
Today my doctor told me that I have an anatomical deformation in my ear, and because of that I am not able to listen to the sounds of my stethoscope. And I am 100% sure that I won’t be able to finish med school because of that. I am on my third year of med school, in my country you have to study 6 years, so I am in the middle of it. Let’s be realistic, who would go to a doctor that can’t listen to a heartbeat? And did I mention I wanted to be a cardiologist? Yeah.
I have a million health and mental problems, but I held on to my dream so I could beat those demons of my past (and present). And now that I am unable to accomplish my dream, everything seems useless.
I guess suicide is the answer. It has always been.