For me, it is my fault. The rest of the world sucks, yeah, but I put all of this upon myself.
You see, I did something incredibly horrible. I lied. Not a white lie, not a normal lie, not a lie that should be or could be forgiven by anyone. I am not going to tell you the lie, because this is my last safe haven and I don’t want you all to know the exact details of the horror that I committed. Just trust that I am right in my wrongness.
I don’t know how to live with myself. I don’t know what to do with myself, knowing that I am capable and culpable of doing something so awful… How am I so horrific? How could I lie to the only person that I have ever loved? God, god, I’m horrible.
I am horrible.
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Did this lie benefit you? did it benefit the one you love?
It did not benefit him, and initially it benefited me but over the months my secret was eating me alive, so I told him.
It was an honest mistake, wasn’t it?
I didn’t think about the consequences of my actions… I didn’t mean to hurt him, but I did. I lied..
Then it was in fact a mistake, and i’m sure he is ready to forgive you, if he hasn’t done it already, but what is very important is that you forgive yourself and accept it. Things like this happen and they are meant to strengthen the bond between humans
How do I forgive myself? I can’t live like this
You have to, for the both of you, right?
But I have ruined everything! How can he ever trust me again? I can’t forgive myself. He has depression like me, he isn’t home from work until nine today and we are in a long distance relationship and I haven’t been able to breathe all day and I need him I need to see him but I can’t until nine and even then he will not want to see me as much because of what I did to him.
Do not draw any conclusions before you know for sure, let things unfold a bit
Life is a learning experience, no one comes into this world capable of healthy and strong relationships, it has to be learned through experience. The fact that you reflected on your actions and realized you made a mistake and why you made the mistake means that you are growing in a positive direction. If you are able to give a genuine apology to the person you hurt you should try to do that, but in order to move on you must forgive yourself, and as long as you make a genuine effort to not repeat the same mistake, you should move forward with your life adventure, and try not to look back.