I fucking hate this. I’m such a fucking loser. i am try to get my driver’s license but my mom can’t fucking drive me and I am so fucking lonely and bored. I can’t fucking learn and I have no fucking job and such a piece of fucking shit i can’t do anything right no friends here at all they are 2000 miles away I am just stuck in this house I feel sick all the time and tired. I don’t do shit. All energy and hygeine is gone. There’s no point. 19 years of this shit. 19 fucking years of absolute hell and misery on this shitty fucking planet I want to die so bad why the fuck do we even live here. I hate this whole world. Just kill me. There is a gun but it’s in a safe. I really just wish i could use it and die. I fucking hate this place. I hate the fucking world and myself because I’m just trash and worthless. i can’t do anything right, i never could in my life. No one fucking likes me, everyone has always hated me and I don’t see why it should be any different now. I’m a fucking joke. I’m gay and that makes even more hate me. I shouldn’t even be alive this is just horrible I am so fucking isolated i can’t get out of here kill me please someone I hate living
10 comments
I understand your pain all too well. I hate to hear that there are so many people here that wish they were never born. I was told that we are placed here to learn and experience something that “we” supposedly agreed to prior to birth…..IDK. I just we find our purpose before we leave naturally or on purpose.
Travel well my friend
Hi
If you use a handgun shoot your heart not your head. On the heart you will durely die but on the head u can miss and be crippled.
About how u r feeling, I’ve felt like that 40 years and when I lived with my parents it was much worse. I understand you.
People give a shit to my existence too and I am isolated too. Lately I decided I don’t want to feel so bad daily and I decided to change inside. But I keep alone…always alone.
About driving…learning how to drive is a long expensive process SO take a bath, some money, take a bus and go to a gay bar or a gay club near there. Talk to an equal may help you to live or die.
Perhaps you should consider doing something about it. I know I know, I don’t understand, but seriously. I really do understand, I am right there with you. Every moment of social interaction I feel disabled, every moment at home I can’t think straight. I know all the things I need to get done, yet when I consider doing them I get decision fatigue, and all the required steps to accomplishing said tasks escape me.
The thing about life is “doing the next best thing”. Easy does it is the way to approach it, and “easy does it” doesn’t mean “oh, I did something I never do yesterday, I think I will take the week off”, it takes some discipline.
It took you 19 years to get to where you are now, it won’t change over night, but it can change. Consider your mother’s point of view when you are trying to get a license, she’s seen you struggle for years, and just as you, has probably lost hope. I think it would be good to make “living amends”, and by that I mean, start living your life in a way that shows the others who have seen you struggle for 19 years that you are worthy of the time and the effort, show them that you are willing, and most of all show them that you love them.
I have really severe social anxiety myself to the point of not being able to function normally around people at times because of it. It drives me insane but the only way it will get better is if I take small actions to improve it. For example I have to interact with people regularly to keep my anxiety at a base level or else it gets progressively worse over time, and I have to take and experiment with meds to try to find the right ones and doses. On a side note, what’s up anthro? I haven’t seen you in years.
hehe Hey, indeed it has been some time. After to replying to this guy I figured I needed to take a dose of my own medicine, so I planned something with some people I know, cleaned my apartment, and then did some laundry. I have to admit the time I knew you is pretty hazy to say the least, those gull danged drugs will do that though. What’s up wichu, how ya been?
Probably best you don’t remember how I was. I’ve been doing pretty well recently, just trying to work through the shit in life that everybody goes through. I get what you mean about the drugs, using created a sort of insanity in me that I am still trying to recover from. I just figured I would stop by here again to reconnect with people. Do any of the old members like Dawg, Orangish, Weepingangel, ect still come around here?
No idea about Dawg or Orangish. I know that Weeping doesn’t really frequent the place much anymore, but he is doing rather well. He’s met a lady through the chat, not someone you would know at all, and they seem to have plans to be together. In my very skeptical critical opinion, I think this relationship will evolve into something of permanence.
I hear what you mean as far as using creating an insanity within you. FFS if there would be one domino that I could have avoided boldly toppling over. I know LIL is somewhere around here, honestly I have mostly ejected myself from all of that, seriously isn’t worth the headache. I know the people do have a kik chat, I think weep is in that, but rarely talks. There are several new people, and many old-timers dwelling there as well. Unfortunately I am unable to get you in that as I was banned after a long convoluted series of negative events, which used to really bum me out, but seriously dem people ain’t real.
It’s funny to me how people get banned from suicide sites. LOL .
You got banned from a suicide site by empathetic, suicidal people?
Hahaha.
Me too.
(Those suicidal folks are understanding just as long as you agree with whatever they’re saying). .
That “dawg” character pops in ever once in a while to check up the the sophisticated. intellectual and sensitive folks that frequent this fine site.
randomly infrequent dawg