Lately i been getting these feelings when i drive. My commute is about an hour by car, & it takes me along this really nice stretch of road. Big trees and lots of vegetation and nature that goes for about 4km. The traffic coming the other way flies past about a metre or two away, & we are all traveling at about 80km/h. I travel this road twice a day and constantly have flashes of me turning into oncoming traffic. I even get a strong physical feeling to do so, & its all so vivid. I havent really had any suicidal ideation for some time but this is getting very full on. Anyway, just needed to get it out in the hope of decreasing some of its power.
Take care.
5 comments
I’m so sorry. This has been a frequent companion of mine for about a year. It’s like the older I get the more vivid my suicidal ideation become. Take a deep breath when it happens and try to refocus on your car stereo or which way in traffic you should be going.
I am sorry that you are going through this. I, too, am constantly battling the thoughts and impulses towards suicide. I went on a road trip by myself this summer to Death Valley (how appropriate) with the intention of ending it there. On the way down and back up again (after I chickened out once I got there), I found myself looking at the cars in the oncoming lane (though there were not many, due to the isolated route that I was taking), thinking about the same things that you are. The only thing that stopped me from swerving into the oncoming lane was the fear that I would hurt someone else in the process. I won’t be a hypocrite and tell you not to end things if you decide that it is right, because I am thinking about the same things. I hope that you find a way through all of this. But, in the event that you decide to do it, please don’t go out in a way that might kill someone else in the process. That was what kept me from doing the same thing.
It seems pretty inconsiderate to force a stranger to unwittingly participate in your suicide.
The person driving in the opposite direction doesn’t know who you are, and quite likely has no desire to kill anyone in a vehicular “accident”. Involving someone else in your suicide will probably scar them psychologically, plus you’ll inconvenience all of the motorists who just want to get to work on time.
I hate this method. It’s incredibly inconsiderate.
Soco….I too am metres from the end of it all. I too, understand all to well where you are coming from. At this point, I know the pain of drowning in your own sins and everyone else’s. I know what it means to want out so badly that you can literal taste it.
Your words have always been kind and let me know that someone was hearing me, when the rest of the world shut me out. I’m here for you just as you said you would be here for me. My username is my email…@ gmail(dot)com. I am here if you want to talk. I do implore you though, that while you feel this way, if you want to ctb, please do not put others lives at risk as you take yourself out. (unless they are really horrible people….then, by all means…) It seems you are in the EU as well as I am. I’ve spent many a days wondering where to go to end it all. For me…it shall be the cliffs and my day is coming all too soon.
From me to you…thank you and I hope that this message finds it’s way to you, even if it does nothing more than quell the fact that you have indeed been heard.
KR
Thanks for ur comments. The fact that i would harm someone else is what has stopped me, and will always stop me from doing it in this fashion.
Good advice all round. Thanks again.