Day 100.

Its been forever since I last laid my eyes on you, although your presence continues to haunt me. I see you everywhere I go, every person, every face, all I see is you. When I close my eyes you’re there staring back at me, not even in my dreams can I escape you.  The only reason I still feel compelled to go on is hope, hope that one day you may free me from these chains. And then the cold cruel reality reminds me that you will NEVER forgive me. These feelings of guilt are so overwhelming, not for a single moment am I able to escape this pain. I fear that soon I will no longer be able to save myself from the unstoppable urge. As each day passes, each half-assed attempt, another sliver of my sanity slips away. Will I ever truly try to end this suffering? At first I thought that the guilt of leaving my friends and family behind was keeping me here, but I realized that it was never the case. Its YOU that keeps me here, knowing I will never see you again if I pass. But why bother struggling onward if I know I can’t see you again? As this darkness slowly consumes me, there is only one thing I know. No one can save me, I cannot live, I cannot die, trapped in myself, body my holding cell.