Tired of being me

I am 24 no job, fat, no friends and lost. I had a pretty drama filled childhood and I am very shy and introverted. I am the type who keeps it all in. My mom is 42 and still living like a teenager constant fighting with my stepdad and loads all her problems onto me. I have delt with insomnia, depression and anxiety since I was 14 and have now been diagnosed with pcos. I am obese and have acanthosis nigricans a condition that makes my skin very dark and dry. I have tried to lose weight and currently have to take 15 pills a day. I dont like to complain but today is just one of those days where I can’t keep it in. I really feel lost. I just want a break just one day not being me. Even if no one reads this I just need to say how much it hurts how I so wish I was different. Everyday I am a failure and as disappointing it may be for my family I feel it too. I apply and apply for jobs, go on interviews and smile even when my anxiety is making my legs shake and my words stutter. I have stopped eating. I have tried to be more alof what my family wants me to be and I just can’t. I am tired. I am exhausted. So just today I will cry once more in silence in hiding. I will wash my red face and smile make jokes and be the joke. I will continue being the warning sign of what not to be. I will continue being that failure who can carry everyones problems because she seems to have none. I will laugh and be kind to those who I have overheard use me as an example of what not to be. But just today, right now I will be sad and feel everything.