let’s say I started dating her around 7th grade. Little kids didn’t know much. She was my first.but I was her second choice after the boy she liked before me didn’t work. Didn’t know what love was but she was close to it. First kiss. Things didn’t work saw her fuck around with other guys and didn’t think much of it. Then fast track to 9th grade. We got back together after awhile of talking. Things went good for awhile but let’s just say I couldn’t believe anything that came out her mouth the lies she told me were unbelievable and she doesn’t even remember most of them but I do. But I fucked up as well. I cheated and fucked around still had feelings but lust got to me. Anyways the lies n cheating go on for a long time about three years but we had out breaks so let’s say it was around a year or year and half that we were actually together. Then I’m tired of it I tell her it’s over and find a new girl to move on to right away. Used her to forget. Didn’t work one bit. Got caught sleeping with her and was forced to break up with her after using her but at the same time my first girlfriend was with another guy as well and it bothered me so I went back to her and she left him for me again things went smooth until I didn’t feel like I had her attention but maybe it was cause she didn’t really leave him. So I used that girl again. To help block it out. But then the girl I loved found out. So we had our problems. Now we worked things out but after the struggle of a few months now she’s sad all the time and I’m really in love with her like I can’t be without her and think straight when she tries to leave my mind just goes crazy and can only think about hurting myself. I dont know where I’m going with this but do I let her leave? I can’t think straight what do I do. I fuck everything up
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If it’s at all possible, letting it go is probably for the best. Pretty crazy to go through all that drama with someone starting in 7th grade. If you had a smooth easy relationship I’d say yeah you’re one of those storybook couples who meet young and stay together forever, but I hasn’t gone that way. And the desire that drove you two to be with other people is totally normal. That’s why relationships are stupid when young. Youre supposed to be with different people and have more experiences. So I don’t think it means that either of you are horrible lifetime cheaters for being that way when young.
The feeling of your head wanting to explode when you think about losing her is completely normal. It’s how everyone feels at the loss of a relationship. People who split up didn’t do it because there was no pain involved and it felt like the easiest choice in the world. Billions of people on this planet have all felt the extreme anguish of a relationship ending. But just because it hurts doesnt mean you instead try to stay with that person forever. It’s going to hurt, but the feeling does go away, and you will survive and live to love someone else some day.
Just based in the big messy situation you describe, it sounds like the most loving thing you two could do for each other is appreciate each other for the good times that you managed to have, forgive each other for the mistakes, and let each other go to experience other things. You can always find each other again in the future if it was meant to be.
Don’t get me wrong, if youre deeply in love and think you two are destined to be together, I’m not saying you have to let it go. That just wasn’t the impression you gave with your description. It sounds like a young relationship with lots of screwing around and disagreements and breaking up and getting back together. Might be better to let that go before you end up totally hating each other.
Wow. I wish I had been brave enough to pursue relationships from an early age. I would feel a lot less loser-like and depressed then.
You know what you want. So I think your focus should be on what she wants. Tell her you want her to be happy, and ask her what that looks like. Tell her she can be 100% honest with you, and you will accept whatever she says. Free her to be happy. You cannot know in advance what she will say, but promise yourself you will do your best to help her achieve it.
If she tells you that she wants to leave you, then accept that. Understand that even though you love her madly, in the end, if she is not happy, you will not be happy either.
Be completely honest about how you feel about her. How much you love her.
And trust that you will find love again.
My only caveat would be that I have so far been pretty terrible with relationships, so take my advice with a grain of salt.