That’s all I woke up thinking this morning. Does that mean something is wrong with me? I think it means I cannot stand my environment or the people in it anymore. Every day, I wake up full of dread. I don’t want this crap. Then there’s a fantastic guy who is into me, but I am emotionally drained by every fucking thing.
I can’t even express myself right. Maybe it all boils down to being sick of everything, but still trying to make it. Life is annoying as hell. God help. haha
5 comments
I know what you’re feeling. It could be a combination of biological and environmental factors.
Guess what? I had the exact same thoughts as you did.
“I don’t want this.”
I don’t know what exactly it is that I want though.
Probably to be free from PMDD. I get suicidal thoughts everytime.
You have PMDD too? It’s incredibly lonely. PMDD is the reason I’m knocked down and completely out of the game every month. I’ve been keeping track of my periods so I can tell when it’s coming, but it still ruins me for like 2 weeks every month. You feel extremely paranoid, depressed, anxious, suicidal. I’ve lashed out at people with irrational anger. It makes me bedridden and miserable.
Every month it ruins everything. I’ve read about women having hysterectomies just to get relief. I don’t want that, but this life with PMDD is not working well. You’re not alone. Talking to my therapist used to help. I need to find a solution other than surgery.
Have you tried anything for your PMDD like birth control or anti-depressants?
Yeah you’re right… incredibly lonely. I don’t want to go outside or see anyone. I even cancel agreements made with other people which makes me feel like a hypocritical hermit.
Just going through it right now and maybe if I survive this cycle I’ll book an appointment for birth control pills.
Thank you for the push. I need it.
There is tremendous guilt for not being able to come through for people at this time, but it’s not your fault. People don’t understand how debilitating this can be. When I tell people “I’m on my period.” It means leave me the fuck alone because I’m not going to be able to do much during this time. I try to explain it to people the best I can.
My therapist understood very well. The times I did force myself to see him, I was a crying and shaking mess. He knew it was PMDD, it happens each month. He would forgive me when I couldn’t see him. I hate to feel vulnerable and embarrassed in public for every one to see. So I hide during that time of month usually.
You will get through it and please continue seeking help for it. I will try other things too. You are gifted and you need to stick around. You have a lot to offer the world! 🙂
Thank you for this. You are a lovely person and I hope you will continue to fight through this too. I will remember your words.