New beginning

Its been about 3 years since the last time I’ve posted on here. Looking back at my posts I couldn’t believe what I used to do to myself. Hurting myself over a stupid boy? That once broke my heart into pieces, now wants me back. Pathetic. I am now 19. Over 2 years since Ive cut myself anywhere on my body. I couldn’t be more proud of myself. I am now in a happy healthy relationship. With a boy who actually cares about my feelings and my well being. We have been dating for almost 3 years and Ive never been happier in my relationship. While all of that is super great, I started at a new college. University. It is about 35 minutes away from my house so I live on campus in a dorm. This is a life I never wanted. Not just to be away from my boyfriend but being alone. I cried everyday of Summer knowing this day was going to come where I had to pack up my life and move to school. Alone. Ever since I’ve been here, I had a bad experience with my roommate where she was stealing the cash out of my wallet while I was sleeping. When the night before I noticed, she told me she was really depressed and suicidal. I didn’t know what to do about it. I was scared of setting her off in a way I would have in the past. Regardless of that, I did end up going to authority and she got kicked out of our room. Now I have a new roommate and she’s super nice. But she’s friends with my suite mates so she’s always with them. I’m left in the room alone. It sucks and I get really sad. I’ve been sleeping a lot more than I usually do. Which scares me that my depression might be coming back. I don’t have time to deal with it like I used to. I know that sounds super fucked up. But its true. Going to University, you don’t have time to deal with a mental illness. Im already failing calculus and I have a C in two other classes. I know this isn’t like me and I’m getting really stressed out over school. Sleeping is something i never used to do. I thought sleep was a waste of time. Naps were never part of my day. When in high school, I would wake up much earlier than I do now. Right when i get back from class, all I want to do is sleep. I haven’t cut myself, but I’ve had many urges to. It scares the fuck out of me because I know my boyfriend doesn’t want me to go through that again either. I know I will be ok. But right now, life is just so hard.