Hello. Not feeling well. All I think of now is how to make it stop. Every moment of every day. The holidays were not kind as usual. Between my family giving me the hard sale and the general loneliness it wasn’t that great. The worst part is always coming back to the usual. I can handle being by myself. What I can’t handle is feeling like I’m by myself when I have to go out in public. The problem with loneliness is that it only hits you when you are out and about. You get to see what others have and what you don’t. Sounds kind of selfish, considering the holidays and all. Every where I look I see what I’m not. Happy. I am slowing down. I can’t do this anymore. I want out. It’s like a buzzing in my head. It keeps buzzing and buzzing and buzzing. I had a plan to invite some people to go watch a movie. For my birthday. I quickly abandoned the thought. I can’t fix myself. No matter how hard I try, I can’t fix myself. I want out. I want out. I’m trying to muster up the strength to cry, but it just seems a bit pointless. There’s nothing there. I’m slowly losing the strength to get up at all. Everyday the weight gets a bit heavier. I think my time is close. A part of me thinks that anyways. Thanks for listening.
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1 comment
Comparing ourselves to others is never a good idea. There will always be people who seem happier, and who seem to have everything. However, more often than not, it just seems that way, with us looking from the outside in. Everyone has their own problems. I think it’s good if a person can focus on themselves, constructively focus on the issues that plague them and ways to deal with said issues. It’s far more productive than constantly comparing our whole lives with select snapshots of others’ lives. O and maybe go through with your plan for your birthday. There’s was a reason why you initially thought about it, and you have nothing to lose.
I hope you find a way through this, and good luck.