And this is me. A person trapped inside her brain her own ethnicity and for the most of the day her bed.
For what did she live? Why did she come to this university? Is this the end afterall?
You know, I never imagined I would live to be even 18. 18 was such a grown up number, and growing up I was told I was “immature,” “didn’t understand how the world worked.”
How can I survive in a world that, I was told, wants to rape women like me? That I didn’t understand? That was totally unfair, which I should get used to? WHY DO I EVEN WANT TO LIVE IN A WORLD LIKE THIS?
And now I have discovered that I am not even an attractive person. Far from that. Average. Which is why the two guys that I have dated were painfully average. It pains me to look at their faces now, but even more so mine.
So much for getting raped haha.
I’m not taking pills.
For the most part I’m just lying in the bed watching videos until midnight, then waking up 2pm in the afternoon to piss, shit, put on some makeup only to laugh at my futile efforts in the mirror, then go back to bed.
Oh, I forgot the consuming a bonus sized chocolate bar for brunch/tea then drinking a gigantic bottle of juice coupled with instant noodles for dinner.
This is when I think “maybe I do have good genes afterall. It’s a miracle I haven’t gained ten pounds by this point.”
This is my life y’all. Future college dropout/ suicide case.