I was here a long time ago. It was a nice place to be. I ended up in the hospital..,not for an attempt just because I went super crazy. I’m afraid I”m getting back to that spot. And I finally just got a nice job and an apartment. I fell into adulthood finally and I feel like I might be looking for a way out.
I’m extremely suicidal right now, though no one in my life needs to worry because I won’t actually do anything. Honestly, if I had an easy button for killing myself right now I’d do it in a heartbeat. At this point though, I don’t have the means and the energy is lacking. Any of the pills I have won’t do anything but make me puke, I can’t seem to cut deep enough to actually kill, my whole body just looks disgusting. And I’m too afraid to jump….though this would probably be my go to…maybe just smoke some weed and do it?
Anyways, I’m here because I’m so fucking lonely right now. I just was hoping there would be someone on here that would want to have a conversation today. I called out from work, which was kind of stupid, so now I have all day to think about how much I hate myself. I have a therapy appointment tomorrow morning unless my therapist has a cancellation today. Part of my depression right now is that I feel my therapist is giving up on me. I have no friends I can talk to. I think I”m afraid to be happy….ugh this is just me saying what’s in my mind. I needed a place to put it so I don’t go completely insane today.
I know part of the depression is also that I’m off my meds. I just feel like I can’t anymore. What is the point? Honestly? Why bother taking pills that make my mind feel something that isn’t real? I was happy and functional on meds. But that’s not how I was born. I was born with a fucked up brain. I should be dead.
Ugh…will someone just talk to me today? About anything. I’m 32, queer, vegan, obsessed with Orphan Black, Game of Thrones, youtube, Harry Potter, reading…just let’s talk about something. I’m in such desperate need of a friend right now. Comment and talk to me please.
Thanks, Beth.
6 comments
Hi.
I’m 12.
Suicidal, bisexual, and a huge fangirl.
I can talk about my favorite books for hours on end.
I can talk about my favorite youtubers for hours on end.
I can talk about anything for however long you need.
<3
Oh hun 🙁 so young. I’m so sorry you feel suicidal at such a young age. I hope it’s okay for me to say that. *hugs* I’m currently rotating through every mamrie hart, hannah hart, and grace helbig youtube video to try and improve my mood today. Any other youtube recommendations?
If you like beauty vloggers…
rclbeauty101, cloecouture, Alisha Marie
For comedy…
danisnotonfire, Amazing Phil, Superwoman
Gaming channels…
Markiplier, jacksepticeye
Fun facts…
Matthew Santoro, Vsauce3, Vsauce2
And just random, often hilarious, things,
Good Mythical Morning (definitely watch)
FOOD…
SORTEDfood (comedy+food=heaven)
I FORGOT TO LEAVE A <3… MY BAD
<3
I will check some of those out thank you 🙂
I know it sounds dumb but you seem like a nice person , i really hope it will get better . All i do is read so i can only recommend some books if you want to read , mostly i read psychology , philosophy and SF . If you want some relaxing , intriguing and different world to explore i recommend you the Robot series , Galactic Empire series and Foundation trilogy , all written by Isaac Asimov . You said you liked game of thrones ? The i think you would like Red Rising and Golden Son both written by Pierce Brown