Alone New Years

I made plans to take proper precautions not to be alone tonight. But both were disrupted. I ended up alone. My child means the world to me but when my ex refuses to let her visit I feel lost and powerless. I’m falling into big debt just to get by.i feel nothing I’ve done all year matters. Why do I have to live like this?
So I made muffins and watched a movie about four people who meet trying to jump off a building and become fast friends. It’s absurd but the characters get interesting and the music is good, and it’s emotional for me to see what drove them to try suicide. I’ll re-read the book The Pact later maybe. I almost gave it away as I’m trying to minimize. Give away everything, give up my emotional attachments. Oh my god her disabled Palsy sun just had a heart attach and she saved him. The loss of a love is horrible. I’m so sorry I wanted to suicide earlier. I know people who love me. I was feeling selfish to want to leave them with the loss of a love.