I’ve been feeling lately like I miss self harming. It’s been quite awhile since I last did and idk it just feels like my life is missing something. It’s so messed up, but sometimes you just want to feel worse because at least that was some excitement in your life. At least something was happening. Cutting was sort of like a secret. Only I and a few others knew and I would sometimes have to go to great measures to conceal it. When a wound began bleeding unexpectedly, it could turn a boring lecture into a race against time. Who can best cover up their self inflicted injuries??? You try to push the line of how visibly mentally ill can you be until people notice. It’s kind of like sex in a public place. You don’t want to get caught, but you do want the thrill of the idea of getting caught. Maybe it’s just me idk
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I do it for different reasons, it makes the pain subside even just for a minute it’s worth it. For concealing it, I do it on my upper legs and stomach which no one sees except my bf but he knows I do it and he’s never cared i do it, but in the summer when I go swimming it’s hard to explain the scars on my legs luckily I’ve been doing it so long and there’s so many no one notices when there’s new except I’ve been doing it more lately so I’m scared for summer time someone might notice.There’s gonna come a time when I’ll have to just wear pants always. But I get it, it’s like a drug you just want it sometimes
I do get what you’re on about. It’s hard to explain though since I am in a little different situation. I don’t believe in physical self harm. But I guess I harm myself in a different way by default. Sometimes it does feel good to just bring all the pain forward and let it do its thing. But my thoughts on cutting yourself. Don’t do it for attention. Don’t do it if you don’t like it. But if you really do enjoy it, then I guess I can’t really stop you. But don’t let those scars remind you of sadness. If you’re gonna leave scars on your skin. Make it worth something. Make it meaningful. Don’t let it be a sight of misery.