So i dont know how this works so i am gonna start off by saying why i wanna get run over by a bus. You see i fucked up my life big time by my own hands last year and also this year. even when i could see that i was ruining my life i didnt stopped. its like i was enjoying watching myself get rekt. i am so fuking stupid! my dad finally decided its better off that i leave college cuz becoming a graduate is not for me. then coming to MY ABUSIVE JERK OF A BOYFRIEND. yea it would require another post to describe the habits of my boyfrnd. well everybody who knows him advises me to leave him. but you know why i cant leave him? because i am afraid that if i leave him then i am not gonna find anyone else to love me. well i know he doesnt really loves me. he only cares for me when he is in the mood and rest of the time argues with me and calls me a whore. i’m only there to boost his ego. i am like a tissue paper to him. i know i am a BIG FUCKING moron and even after knowing everything i am keeping my eyes closed. yep. thats how pathetic i am. basically i have no friends, my family wants to see me dead, and i dont fit anywhere, and on top of that i get bullied by my neighbours constantly, my best friend died and my dad often comes home drunk and beats me black and blue. i am a dissapointment and i constantly hoped and tried to change things. but its been stuck in this situation for a while now. i lost all my patience. i am ready to die now. but i am a coward so i cant really take my life (believe me i have attempted several times) thus if someone comes and kills me i am gonna be most happy.
P.S. i skipped many details as in how exactly i screwed up my career and what other nasty shit my boyfriend put me through and why the hell my own grandma wanted to blow my head off with a gun. i saved them for later.