I turn 18 in 5 moths and 23 days which feels like decades away.
I want freedom and I want escape. I can’t turn to drugs because I will become addicted and I can’t end up like my mother.
I tried suicide and I can’t even do that right.
I am being abused and I can’t tell anyone about it.
My father is able to manipulate every situation around him so if I do anything about it he will find a way out he has for 16 years now. My mother is dead, and I have no other family. My baby brother will end up in the system if I do anything anyways. I have his life to consider too.
My father broke my ribs and my arm again. I had to come up with another story about my bruises and I hate lying to people. “I’m fine” “I am just playing sports” “It’s nothing”. I can’t even breathe and I am afraid to be around him anymore. I fear for my life and I don’t know what he is capable of.
My anxiety is terrible as well. I would run away but I don’ have the balls.
I tried to kill myself but I don’t think the world will let me. I need a reason to stay alive.
I considered running away and leaving this shit town and go to New York. I can leave my rapist, and my abuse being and start a new life. I often fantasize about faking my own death just so I can cut off relationships easier. I can change my name and live alone, but I am terrified I won’t make it work. I still have high school to finish.
How can I leave a whole life behind. If anyone has any help please let me know. Stay strong loves <3!
3 comments
Hmmm, this is an extremely rough situation.
Is there a counselor in school you could maybe talk to? I really hope that there is. You need to be able to confide in someone, to tell someone in the real world what is honestly going on?
What about the police? I know it sounds risky but we are talking abuse and rape, particularly serious offenses. Is there any way you could record an encounter you have with your father with a camera of some sort as evidence? How will your baby brother wind up in the system? Meaning like child protective services?
All I know is you need to get yourself, and your brother, out of a situation like that as quickly as possible.
I hope some of these questions and statements help you with a possible way out.
in this dire situation, it’s time to act. You can leave, and if you are in the U.S.(probably other countries too) and 17 or older you can pursue emancipation, becoming essentially a minor who is legally an adult, thus not required to live under a parents roof even if they demand it. You may need to seek police or CPS to assist you with that, but once you get started you may even be able to be your brother’s guardian, though I understand it is frightening to go up against the one who hurt you, and there is no guarantee you can save anyone but yourself. If you have the strength to endure abuse and hide it, you have the strength to survive free of it.
That’s the best I’ve got for such a cruel situation. Anyone else know of services and such that can make this safer for behindthescene?
Maybe look up the Boys and Girls Town hotline, or something like it, and talk to a counselor? I wonder if they’d have a safe house type of temporary place you could go.